Bean Bag Repentance

Boys, go entertain yourselves for a while . . .

It was endearing to watch my big-little boys work together with all of their combined strength to pull the bean bags over to the stairs and so fun to see their excitement and energy as they belly flopped, nose dived and tumbled into them for nearly an hour. At least it was fun last night.

Today it was a different story. I was busy with all my incredibly important housewife duties and had slowed down long enough to share a phone call with my sister. I glanced down the stairs to listen for the boys and the view that caught my attention was not so fun or amazing or incredible at all. I sent them to their room to read and play in a confined space, mostly to keep them out of the mess until I could finish my all important conversation of random topics. I couldn't really blame the whole mess on them. After all, I had encouraged the jumping and a torn seam didn't quite surprise me.

We had a talk about what should have happened when the hole popped, like coming to tell mom about the hole instead of making a HUGE mess, and then we headed down to start the clean up. After settling the boys in with garbage cans to fill, I began inspecting the bean bags to find the hole. That was when Nathan piped up and confessed that the "hole" I was looking for was actually an open zipper - opened by him. No wonder he wasn't interested in the lecture on what to do if a hole pops open.

This was a disaster. I actually had the thought that at least it wasn't flour and that positive tid-bit soon poofed out of my head as static took over. It was like a room full of packing peanuts and electricity. Each handful that we gathered wouldn't let go of us and when we tried to drop it into the garbage cans the static would actually pull up what was already in the can to join what was in our hands. I gave up any hope of saving the filling and pulled out the Shop Vac. I had to empty it four times! That's how much fluff we cleaned up.

Throughout the process I began to see an interesting comparison taking place.

I originally grumbled at the sight of the mess and wanted to say "get that cleaned up" and to have the boys obediently go down and magically clean it all on their own. But, this was a mess waaaay out of their capabilities to handle all by themselves. As I began the long, inconvenient cleaning process I realized that I have also made messes that I wasn't capable of taking care of on my own. I also have times when I need someone with knowledge and loving care to help me correct my wrong choices or bad decisions. That someone is Christ.

Nathan gave up after the first garbage bag was filled. He was frustrated with the static, the scope of such a huge project, and in his own words "it will take forever". Sometimes repentance feels that way. It is a long, tough process. It isn't fun. There have been times when I look at what it will take to get myself (or in some cases for someone else to get themselves) back on the path to our Heavenly Father and it is daunting. I didn't force Nathan to come back. That would only cause hurt feelings and more frustration so I just thanked him for what he did do. Our Savior doesn't force us back either.

Hyrum kept going. He kept apologizing, "sorry, mommy". That is so beautiful when spoken with a troubled heart and eyes that show complete sincerity! He picked up, he vacuumed, he stayed with me through the entire one hour ordeal. He would vacuum the bigger stuff and hand it to me to get all the small stuff. That is repentance. Becoming submissive and meek like a little child. Having Godlike sorrow. Sticking with it. Doing our part and working together with our "Adult" who knows how to take our big mess and clean it up.

As I watched Hyrum work and waited for him to let me have a turn with the vacuum I was a little impatient. I almost wanted to tell him that he had helped enough. I then realized that Christ is so patient to let us go at our pace. He doesn't rush us.

I love this picture of Hyrum's determined effort.
All {spiritual} messes are cleaned up best when we are on our knees.

After we finished, Hyrum climbed into my Indian crossed legs and said, "all done!". We hugged and giggled. Nathan observed from a distance and seemed a little disappointed to be missing out on the All Done Celebration. I have a greater determination to be one that sits with my Savior in joy and comfort instead of only regretfully observing it happen for others. As that thought crossed my mind I waved for Nathan to join us. Mercy is a tender thing.