Christmas Themes 2011

Flannel

Part of the feeling of Christmas is held in my fingers. Something triggers a happy place in me when I handle piles of soft, weighty fabric that magically (through hours of cutting, sewing, ironing and hemming) turn into my kids Christmas Jammies. My kids have no idea how many times I hug their finished flannels before they unwrap them. This is the first year that I won't spend December 24th in a hectic rush to finish my annual project. I even have them wrapped and I cannot wait to hug each of my kids wearing their made-with-love jams.

Patience

Hyrum taught me a lesson this morning. He has shown a huuuuge amount of self control to leave the presents under the tree alone. There has been plenty of shaking and handling of the two gifts with his name on them but he has maintained obedience to not even tear away one little piece of wrapping. When it became too much for him he brought his two gifts to me and asked me to keep them in my room.

It wasn't until later that I realized that this exercise of putting gifts under a tree and waiting and waiting and waiting a little bit longer is a great lesson in putting off what we want right now and waiting for the right time. Another side of the lesson comes for the giver. Nathan is so antsy for Christmas morning so that we can all open the gifts that he has carefully selected for us. He has to practically cover his mouth to keep himself from accidentally telling us what hides behind the wrapping. I'm beginning to think that our patience is part of the gift. I have found that to be true on several occasions during the last year.

Unexpected Guests

I was laying on the floor by the fireplace looking out the big window at the sun shining in. As I looked at our Christmas tree my eye caught the glistening of several spider webs strung about from limb to limb. I have looked all over Rexburg for tinsel to thicken up our skinny little tree but could find none. For some reason those dangling strings of web looked pretty. almost tinsel like. I looked a little further knowing that where there is web there is a spider - or more. Having a real tree brought in from the forest just a few days before has the arachnid risk but living on earth means they could have already lived in our house and had found a new home in our pine scented decoration. It didn't take me long to find 2 microscopic little friends curled up in little balls bathing in the morning sunlight right up top near the star.

As I gazed at our hidden guests, trying to bring myself to squishing them before they could multiply, I thought of the unexpected guests we have visiting this Christmas. A few months ago we would have never imagined having a new family member join us all the way from Slovakia. I thought we were done having kids and Erika was resigned to being the only daughter in our family. Having Vivien come for the year has brought with it similar jealousy issues that having a new baby brings. We have also been adjusting to a new personality in the mixture with her own set of traditions, habits and expectations. It has been a blessing that I never would have imagined. She will still be with us for nearly 6 more months and already we get teary eyed when we talk of her going back to Slovakia.

The other unexpected guest that crossed my mind does not bring with it quite so much joy. I realized recently that in a small way I have been going through a grieving process. The son that I knew for 17 years has been replaced by one that I know very little about and have little in common with. I find myself missing the bubbly, tender hearted, clean, selfless person that used to be Levi. When he isn't here for a few days and then returns from his party weekend I relive over and over the replacement of my son. The Levi in my mind that I was expecting to come home walks in the door with a cloud of drugs, alcohol and tobaccco surrounding him, gang like jewelry hanging from his neck and ears, a hazy look in his eyes nearly hidden with long shaggy hair, heading directly to his room in an almost desperation to be left alone. He has lived here for six months but has gradually been pulling further and further away from us, especially me.

He is no longer living here. Still, I find myself reaching out and trying to hold onto this lost, angry, young man. Not because I want to be anywhere near the smell, habits, language or attitude of this person but because I am tied to him through love. Little by little I am leaving the Levi that once was in my heart and memory and I'm learning to love the Levi that is now, no matter his choices or habits. It's not easy to watch him go from so much potential to a probie. Still, I love him. I adore him. Nothing will ever take that away. Remembering the not-so-unexpected Christmas guest, Jesus Christ, helps me to easily love and accept Levi, as I imagine He would.

Our Humble Tree

Our fake Christmas tree has aged dramatically over the last few years to the point that we don't even take it apart during the year because the branches are breaking. By the time Christmas rolls around again we drag our prelit dusty tree upstairs to stand over our gifts. This year I wanted a real tree. In the early Christmases of our marriage we learned that if we wait for the college students to leave there were all kinds of real Christmas trees discarded for the city to pick up. We would try to find a tree that wasn't completely dried out and rescue it from the dumpsters for another couple of weeks. I was willing to use our "poor days" tactic in exchange for Old Dusty this year and wasn't expecting anything else. One of our employees brought us a tree instead. One that he and his kids chose for us and dragged home from the mountains. We were a little stumped how to decorate such a tall, skinny tree with so few limbs to drape lights and decorations from but we made it work. I was hoping that tinsel would fill in some bare spots but we couldn't find any so our tree has remained rather humble looking.

I have found myself loving the tree. With limited space we only used our sentimental ornaments to adorn it so our tree seems to stand for more meaning that just a decoration. Caring for it by adding water every couple of days has taught me to watch out for my tree, to not neglect it. As I sat alone warmed by the fire and surrounded by the twinkling of Christmas lights I saw this tree standing tall in representation of this past couple of years worth of what I thought were trials that turned out to be gifts from my Heavenly Father. Through adjusting to and caring for and learning to appreciate these trials they have come to hold great meaning for me.

Simple Gifts

Each time a new box has been abandoned in our house the cat finds great delight in jumping in and out of it, spinning in circles while chasing his tail in it, and pouncing at the kids fingers as they tease him from the outside of the box. As I saw Harrison content in his latest box I realized that I too have come to appreciate the simple. The trip that Derek and I took to Mexico to help build a home for a family of four living in a trailer about the size of my bathroom started me on the "simple" path back in May. When it was time for school to start we simplified our clothes shopping. Our meals are still bounteous but a little less extravagant. More snacks are homemade using our food storage instead of store bought and prepackaged. Having the family all choose together to keep it simple seems to have made a greater impact on the kids than two years ago when medical challenges forced us to keep it simple.

As we tried to give each other ideas for Christmas gifts we had a hard time coming up with "wants". It has made shopping a little more difficult but more thought filled. On Christmas morning it was fun to see the kids so thrilled - rather than any hint of disappointment - at the socks, chapstick, favorite cold cereal, boxers, gloves, hats, books and games that they all gifted each other.