Put Your Shoulder to the Wheel

March 29, 2012

I did my best to shoulder all that needed to be done but now I'm left with a useless limb and regret for pushing it to that point.

My right shoulder has been bothering me for about 3 weeks now but this week (after mixing 3 batches of jam, cleaning out the garage, moving some furniture around and doing yard work) I have lost nearly all use of my right arm. It was pretty stable at the annoying pain level with the majority of the pain focused only on the top of my shoulder and only when I raised it to chest height or was lifting/pushing something. Now it has graduated to full muscle weakness with very limited range of motion, tingling and stabbing pain down my bicep, and shooting pain heading into my neck and down the back of my shoulder. I decided I better quit ignoring the increasing pain and have it looked at.

Dr. Diagnosis: a “Grade II Strain” or in other words “a partial tear in the muscle or tendon of the supraspinatus" (one of the rotator cuff muscles). I have 1-2 weeks of physical therapy and then gradual recovery and increased range of motion.

My conclusion: physical therapy is PAINFUL!

Day 1 of PT: I wish I could say it feels better but I just want to strap this tingly, throbbing, heavy limb to my torso and perfect my left hand skills. I still need to use it on a “very limited” level to prevent my muscles from becoming stiff so it's taped up for a little support but no sling or brace is involved. There is no visual sign of an injury except for the constant cringing when I try to do anything. My 32 oz. water bottle weighs too much, raising my forearm above 90 degrees is too far and changing shirts is probably going to be impossible. Doing my hair is out of the question unless I figure out how to do it all left handed/one handed. I wonder if the PT will notice if I wear the same shirt or don't do my hair for the next two weeks.

At this point any movement leaves me fighting back tears. I've tried reading but I keep falling asleep. Now I have my arm rested on my laptop and have found that using only my fingers is pretty close to pain free and I have to admit that I'm not all that bad at running the mouse pad with my left hand. I’m not good for much else today.

I'm really, really, really hoping tomorrow is a little (or dare I hope for a lot) better.

March 11, 2012

I have struggled the last few days. My kids aren't bad, they are actually really great, I'm just low on patience and a bit grumpy.

Today in Primary, I had an experience that reminded me of one of the basics that I had let fall from my routine.

During sharing time we listened to short conference spots (stories) from the three members of the first presidency (Presidents Monson, Eyring, Uchtdorf). Just hearing their voices calmed me down. I could feel my squinted eyes and face relax, my shoulders and neck released the tension and I felt like I was breathing again. In just a matter of minutes I felt completely different inside. The grumpy was replaced with gratitude.

When I had a few minutes to myself to think about the experience, I realized that it has been almost 2 weeks since I have listened to a conference talk. I had been in the habit of listening to a talk each morning on my Ipod while making breakfast and everyone else was sleeping but when Derek, Vivien and I started running in the mornings and I was making breakfast with them in the kitchen, I got out of the habit of doing it.

Life and Laziness. That's all I can blame it on.

I really believe that listening daily to the words of the prophets helps me to focus and stay in tune with the spirit when dealing with all the mothering responsibilities and decisions I face every day. I absolutely love being a mother. No Buts About It. However, (not but) it is really hard on me emotionally. I always handle all that emotional mumbo jumbo better when I am on course spiritually.

I look forward to General Conference coming up in a few weeks. It always leaves me feeling loved and motivated with a boost to each {spiritual} step I take and the daily decisions I make.