Family Pictures 2009

I wasn't planning on getting a family picture until next spring some time around Levi's graduation when the flowers are in bloom and we could do an outside family picture, I'm kinda bored with the studio look. Then we were told that one of the most sought after photographers (or just the most expensive one) in Rexburg was doing a PTO fundraiser for one of the elementary schools. With a 2 day notice I didn't go to all the stressful effort of picking a color or matching shirts, I just informed everyone that they had to be there.

The photo shoot was irritating. We weren't that impressed with the photographer. Now wait a minute! I'm not bashing the professional, he IS a great photographer and person in general. But, his professionalism was kinda wearing thin on the final day of a 5 day run of families taking advantage of his "favor" for the friend PTO president. With a screaming deal like that I'm sure it brought in flocks of families that wouldn't have been able to do a family picture at all this year, especially with a photographer who usually does a spectacular job. With the people that were in front of us and behind us we overheard that they were only ordering the "gift" 8x10 that came with their $25 PTO donation. Not his usual profit.

He was very brief with us. His music was playing so loud that we couldn't hear him so he kept getting frustrated when we didn't do what he wanted the first time he said it. When we saw the pictures up on the screen, LeRoy and I didn't really like the family one at all. I won't list what we didn't like cause you might only see a great family picture and I'll leave it at that. When it came I was pleasantly surprised. It wasn't as bad as I thought. (You'll have to look past all the speckles and smears. Evidently I need to clean the scanner.)

I really do love the black and white one of the kids. This is my favorite.

And this one turned out better than I thought it would.

I also have an issue with the family picture, photographer aside, that I wonder about all family pictures. I wasn't even excited to go pick it up because I was avoiding the memories that I knew it would bring. I look at it and know the crap that was going on during that week. The struggles with a couple of the kids. Bad news in the week. An argument that LeRoy and I had. The fact that most of us had been sick that week and Levi was trying not to throw up while sitting in the waiting room. And then the 35 minute wait in the waiting area trying to keep Nathan and Hyrum from breaking something in that all glass environment. A picture worth a thousand words can also have a hundred memories.

In an effort to not always hate this family picture I sat it in front of me and decided to look at each child and see the good in the picture. My first selfish thought in this Polyanna game was that at least you can't see as much of my thighs as I originally thought was going to be visible. But wait, there was more, with more substance to it.

I love Nathan's grin. Originally, I was sad because it doesn't capture his naturally vibrant smile but this grin shows his obedience. He held that smile the whole time waiting for Hyrum to smile. I have tried lately to make it a point to thank Nathan for his obedience and now one of his phrases is "I'm being so obedient, huh".

I love Levi's smile. I see his patience in it. He really was sick and while in the waiting room I couldn't get one smile out of him. I was pleasantly surprised to see his smile knowing how yucky he felt. His grin reminds me of his baby pictures. I can't believe he will be 18 in a month.

Look at how tall Derek is! His grin shows just a hint of his mischievous, comic nature. That is also the same grin that I see every morning as he comes to give me a hug as he leaves for school. Really, that grin is always visible with Derek. His brief bouts of disappointment or frustration are just that, brief. He quickly comes back to a smile because that is who he is: good natured, fun, easy going, lovable.

Justin's smile isn't his normal big grin and if you look in his eyes you can see a determination to hold the smile even though there is boredom setting in. He is always in motion. He bounces his legs in church, he sways during prayer, he picks at his fingernails while he reads. The fact that his picture isn't fuzzy shows a sense of control that isn't visible to anyone but his mother.

Erika Jo hides a lot behind her smile. Just as it is a little fake (or just simply held on too long) for the picture, sometimes her smiles for others are a bit fake. She is struggling through some very grown up issues for her tender teenage years and yet she still smiles. I love the glow on her face. Though she doesn't see that glow in herself I know it is there and much of what she struggles with is because she is to hard on herself. She is not only beautiful physically but even more beautiful spiritually and I hope for the day that she can see that.

Hyrum's look reveals what we were all thinking: "what's with that duck you're waving in my face?" The whole time we were in the waiting room he was playful, smiling and giggling. As soon as the guy pulled out the fluffy duck this was all we could get. What I see more than the missing smile is his dainty little lips and his tiny fingers. Those were two features that I really noticed when he was born. He is growing up so fast and I love that this picture captured his graduation from infancy to toddlerhood.

What do I see when I look at LeRoy? He was on time!!! That does not happen much when it comes to taking care of others vs. being on time for his family. And I don't say that with spite, it's just the way it is and we are used to it. I had mentally prepped myself that I would take the kids to the studio by myself and he would come rushing in just in the nick of time but he came home early and we weren't rushed at all. And those dimples just beam with cheerfulness. He is always happy. I laugh when people call and ask how he is doing and he responds with "awesome" or "great" or "fantastic" when in the same moment he is hobbling in pain and worried about work and finances. He always sees the silver lining.

And me. I look a little tired but I like my hair and I even put on earrings and a necklace. Vain, yes but it was a hectic day and yet I kinda look put together. My hands are just barely visible, like most of the work that I do which is barely visible. That is the theme of my life. In all the bustle, hustle, struggle, stress and worries of holding this family together, I'm doing ok. Not because of me. In my somewhat posed, tired smile I see, or rather feel, what very few see and that is the strength that I feel pushing me along and filling in the areas that I do not have enough to give. I've really been learning in the past year to depend not on my own strength but on that of my Savior.

After this exercise I realize that I love this family picture. It is us. Together. Forever on canvas and for eternity.

And I must end with a positive note for the photographer. Levi's girlfriend Caytlyn and her family also had their pictures done. The photographer offered them a $1000 gift certificate in honor of her 15 year old brother, Brayden, that passed away in March. They didn't know the photographer personally and were very surprised by the offer. And he spent twice the amount of time than was scheduled for each family. Their pictures turned out awesome! They did them in a brown tone and in the pictures they have a simple vase with 3 orange gerber daisies (Brayden and Caytlyn's and their favorite flower), with the flowers still in orange and the rest of the picture in browns. I know this description doesn't do it justice but the pictures turned out so beautiful that I teared up looking through them. What a beautiful gift that he gave to their family!