Random Entries: Aug-Sept

August 20th
LeRoy had back surgery again - the 2nd time in a year. At least this time we have hope. Hope that he can play sports again. Hope that he can be an electrician like he wants to. Hope of a full recovery. Finding the right doctor for us has made all the difference in the experience and the recovery.

August 25th
I feel like a pharmacist. All I do is hand out pills. LeRoy's back, Nathan's cold, Hyrum's cough, my running aches, Derek's ears, Levi's nose, Erika's anxiety. "Pills and bills, that's all I'm good for anymore, pills and bills" (Pollyanna).


September 4th
I ran a half marathon today! Many thoughts, and I will try to write them later, but for now . . . I DID IT!! Eight months ago I was gasping for air, limping on a sore knee and ankle and had a killer side ache because I had run 1 full minute. Today I ran 10 miles before it really started to get to me. Mile 12 was the most difficult physical thing I have done since Hyrum's birth.


September 6th
Today I lanced my big toe. Actually, I stuck a needle underneath my toenail to lance the blister underneath my toenail (my half marathon trophy). It was a little painful, a lot gross but oh, it feels so much better.

My toe was not the only pain I feel today. I went to Broulims to get groceries and was bombarded with parents loading carts for their new college students. I was a bit emotional because that was what I had planned on doing with Levi when he went to school. The Levi chapter in my fairy tale has taken quite a different turn from how I had envisioned it. Church was also hard yesterday because several people asked about Levi. "How does he like school? Is he planning on a mission? What is he doing now?" I really don't know how to answer those questions. I know the answers but they fail to meet the expectations that LDS people and college bound families have. We just do not fit that mold. It is hard enough for me to let go of that hope and expectation - especially since I have been envisioning his mission, college, and career since he was a little boy - but to try to explain it to others is difficult. Not that I had it all planned out, just that I thought I knew the general direction his life would take. Evidently, the Lord has a personalized plan for him - based on his own choices - and now I get to stand in the sidelines to offer support and love.

Grace came while sitting as an emotional mess during the sacrament song yesterday.

How great, how glorious, how complete
Redemption's grand design,
Where justice, love and mercy meet
In harmony divine!

How Great the Wisdom and the Love, verse 6


September 7th
Nathan: I think I'm gonna have a nightmare tonight but it's ok. I'll just have him sleep in my bed with me.

Thank you, "Nightmare in My Closet"!


September 11th
After the marathon last week I didn't think I would ever want to run again. My knee could barely handle walking for about 4 days and my toe could not fit in my shoe without throbbing pain. But my routine for the last 12 weeks has been to run Saturday mornings and most of those runs were long (6-12 mile) runs. So this morning I took it easy and did what I thought was a slow paced 2 mile jog. Turns out it was better than any 2 miles I have ever done. I think it made a mental difference to not have the 13 mile half marathon looming in the future. Today was just running to run and enjoy the flow of endorphins.


September 14th
Tired. I am so worn out! I'm not sure what is going on with this body of mine. I have small bursts of energy (around 11am) and then I crash. My mind and spirit want to keep going but I am so physically tired. Low iron? Lack of sleep? Eating and exercising adjustments now that the running isn't my only focus? It could be all or none of the above. I just wish I could finish a day feeling like I accomplished something with gusto instead of lamely settling for what I managed to pull off - which isn't much.


September 15th
Derek and I packed up and took LeRoy to Woodbadge scout training where he is one of the main staff leaders. He (LeRoy) has been so great to follow doctors orders. It has been hard for him but having the possibility of basketball and work without pain is his motivation. Having the brace to wear is a perfect reminder because it doesn't allow him to bend or twist wrong or lift anything. He will be gone 4 days this week and 4 days next week.


September 16th
Nathan: Mom, do you know how much I love you?

My thought: Nathan, do you know how much I needed to hear that right now? Thank you for reminding me that this difficult calling of motherhood is really worth it!


September 23rd
Derek and LeRoy left for Woodbadge again. Derek is a youth-rep for this week and is so excited to do it. It is good to see them work together and build memories together. Sometimes, I'm not overly supportive of the scouting program and all that it requires and costs but events like these built character and reinforce the standards we hope they will carry throughout their lives.


Sept 27th
Hyrum has been waking up during the night for the past week now. He always cries that he wants "moms bed" or "Nathan's bed". Finally I decided to put in the twin bed for him. About a month ago I took the side off the crib so that it created a daybed for him instead of a jail-like crib but I guess he is ready for the "big boy bed". And last night was sooooo nice! He slept clear through the night and even slept in a bit.

We are entering into a new stage of life now. No high chair, no crib, no bibs or sippy cups. By next spring we will be potty-training and out of diapers. I do occasionally miss the baby stages (mostly the cuddles and giggles) but it is nice in our hectic teen-driven lifestyle to be growing out of the baby stages.


Sept 28th
My filling was bugging me this morning and during my lunch it fell out. This isn't just a tiny filling - we're talking 3/4 of a tooth here. It's my very back, top left tooth. I'm kinda excited to go to Dr. Tall because I actually had a good experience in his office getting my 2 crowns on the right. I love the crowns. They are the newish kind that is white and all one piece and of course expensive. The nice part is that he guarantees the crowns as long as I get in every 6 months for a cleaning. So, here goes another huge dental bill but it will be nice not to have that tooth bugging me anymore.