Erika Jo

had a very full November.

One night she was standing next to me while I was playing the piano and when I looked up I saw this shadow on the wall. We couldn't resist a picture.

She had been napping most of the day so her pony tail was flying all over the place and she had a hoodie on. She made me promise that I wouldn't show what she looked like, just the cool shadow that it made.

After almost 3 months of practices, costume fittings, painting backdrops and a whole lot of goofing off the high school was ready for their production of The Music Man. I was expecting a wimpy high school drama club show but the night quickly turned into a fun, comedic, very well done performance. With the school orchestra in the pit, mounds of enthusiasm from the students, great backdrops that filled the stage and perfectly chosen main character actors the night was a blast. If the final night had not been sold out (which left over 500 people turned away in the waiting area and a blurb in the Rexburg Standard Journal) I would have gone again.

Bri and Erika

There's trouble in town!

Getting the hair ready . . . and brushing out the ratting

Erika was one of the townspeople, which was pretty much a background, fill-the-stage role but she also had a couple of lines and was in two of the dance numbers where the townspeople sing and dance. It was so fun to see her take on a character and really lose herself in it.

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Erika has wanted to color her hair darker for quite some time but has always been hesitant, not only because it's impossible to know what how your hair will take the color but also because of the cost. Her best friend bought a box of coloring and together they did Bri's hair and because it turned out so well Erika took the plunge and bought a box of coloring the next night. She did hold off doing it until family pictures were done in case she hated it but after it was done we wished she had had it done before the picture. We all love it!

November also brought a very big birthday for Erika. She turned 16!!! Her best friend Bri (and Bri's mom) threw a big party for her. They decorated the gym at the church, invited lots of friends, played silly games and ate all of Erika's favorite junk foods. Bri filled her camera with pictures but I haven't downloaded them from her yet. She also had a surprise in each of her classes that day which was fun for me to arrange (some teachers willingly went along with it and embellished the surprise, some act like I was messing up their whole syllabus). She also had a very big first date . . . with her dad. Her young women's leader brought over this cake for her:

By the time November was over Erika literally slept for 2 days. She had been fighting the colds that we were all passing around the family but it caught up with her big time once she slowed down. She didn't hang out with friends, didn't get on the computer, didn't talk on the phone, didn't even eat. She just slept. Once she woke up she realized that a months worth of laundry was piled on her floor and that I was not kidding when I told her that it had to be cleaned up. Her room was beginning to stink. Bri came over again and after an hour in their room Bri came to get me. "You gotta see this, it's awesome! Bring the camera."

I was imagining a spotless room with the sun shining in and lovely music playing. First of all, we probably won't see the sun until next spring. Second, Z103 doesn't play "lovely" music. Third, I couldn't see the floor at all:

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They thought it was so wonderful that Erika was in the bottom of the pile of clothes and I couldn't even tell she was there. She poked her head out, I took a deep breath and smiled and laughed and took pictures and walked out wondering how many years it would take her to clean that mess up. To my astonishment, they came back in about 20 minutes and with 3 baskets of laundry sitting in the laundry room and 2 full bags of garbage by the back door it was a spotless (well, close) room. Why, oh why, didn't I take a picture of that? Oh yeah, I have sworn an oath to not post any pictures of her room until the walls are all finished. Skittles theme, none colors. Posting a picture of a mound of clothes gives nothing away.

Boy Stuff

Justin was cutting the onions for taco soup one night. He couldn't believe that someone has not created a way to prevent crying while cutting onions. I'm not sure if he thought the glasses were to prevent the strong onion odor from burning his eyes or just a coverup for the tears.

This is what entered my sewing room one night. Nathan screamed like I have never heard him scream before. He was very relieved when the pumpking head was removed and Derek's head popped up through the neck of the jacket.

Caytlyn got an ipod touch for her birthday so now the latest game at our house is the mini dance dance revolution type game on her ipod. Has anyone heard of "tired pointy finger" syndrome? Levi has it.

Ralph's ah-ha pose . . .

Nathan's thinking pose . . .

This is his response to any question. He won't pose on demand so we've started asking really random questions just to get him to pose for us. "What's the 6th letter of the alphabet?"

Keeping up with Hyrum

Typical bedtime routine: jammies, drinks, story, prayer, jump on the bed, giggle in the dark, eventually fall asleep






We did put up and decorate our Christmas tree. Hyrum undecorated it. After 2 broken ornaments we decided to leave it his way.

Nathan loves to play Hide and Seek. He taught Hyrum a really great hiding place and now Hyrum will go there by himself and sit quietly until found. Of course it helps that he can entertain himself with a box full of dishwasher gel packs. He always leaves his feet sticking out because it is "gork" (dark) if he lets the doors close all the way.

Flower Endorphins

This morning I woke up with an unusual desire to exercise. I haven't done one bit of exercise in any form for over 2 weeks due to my injury. You wouldn't think that cutting off part of my finger would prevent me from aerobic activity but even a quick trip up the stairs or hurrying across the house to get the phone got my heart pumping just enough to bring on the painful throbbing in my open growing wound.

Who starts exercising 1 week before Christmas? Isn't that supposed to come 1 week after Christmas in a determination to repent of the past year of exercise ignorance? Well, what motivated me to exercise this morning was the constant puffy state that I have been living in. You know, the one that is brought on by too many carbs and sugars and not near enough greens and veggies. I decided I was sick of living on the verge of a headache and I was the only one who could take control of it.

I stuck in a new DVD that was given to me for my birthday:

I nearly died this morning! As my heart started pumping I was able to ignore the slight increase of throbbing in my finger but what really got to me was the sugar slugging through my system, reminding me of the 2 week emotional binge that I had succumbed to. Previously I had been able to make it through the entire 45 minute torture but this morning I barely made it through 30 minutes and plopped to the ground in an attempt to stretch my exhausted muscles.

As I lay there I realized the obvious: my abs have sagged to flabs, I have jiggles in places that haven't jiggled since my last baby was born, I was so out of breath that I sounded like a panting dog, and I might not make it off the floor for the rest of the day. All because of 2 weeks neglect? Really, it has been complete neglect for the last 2 weeks but prior to that I was only halfheartedly giving any attention to my physical needs. And now I am paying for it. So one week before Christmas I am determined to get this saggy body toned up.

If any of you show up at my door this week you better have a bag of carrots NOT a plate of sugar. The kids have strict orders to eat, hide or throw away any sugar that comes our way BEFORE they tell me who brought what.

I headed upstairs to put together a healthy breakfast for myself, feeling a bit discouraged at the acceptance of what I have let happen to myself, and this is what I saw:

How could I not be cheered by this? It is the middle of winter and on my kitchen counter sits a vase of gorgeous summer blossoms in all of my favorite colors! I don't think any happy endorphins made their way through my sugar sludge system during my 30 minute attempt at exercise but one look at this beautiful evidence of love sent a surge of happiness that healed my battered attitude and put a smile on my face. No long could I droop in my lazy past.

As I made breakfast I thought back 2 days to the special delivery that came to my door. It was a long box from a flower company (of course not anything from Rexburg, since there seem to only be 4 flowers available in our frozen city). Inside were special instructions for clipping, watering and arranging the buds so that 12-24 hours later they would blossom into a full bouquet of color. Even the setting up of the flowers was a gift. I felt like I was out in my garden. I loved clipping the stems and carefully putting it all together. It seemed like such a summery thing to do, which I completely enjoyed as I mentally put on hold the cold gloomy winter awaiting me outside.

If a watched pot never boils it could also be said that a watched bud never blossoms. I went to bed imagining what they might look like the next morning. Throughout the next day the tightly closed buds began to open their colorful petals and by the time I went to bed the 2nd night I was catching a glimpse of just how beautiful they would be in full bloom. The next morning when I dragged my tired body upstairs and saw them sitting on the counter they took my breath away and put an immediate smile on my face.

The typed card that came with the flowers didn't have a name on it. For 2 days I wondered who would have sent me such a wonderful surprise. It was an enlightening exercise realizing that I have many wonderful friends and family members who would do something so thoughtful. I really could not pick out one person that I could absolutely be sure had done it. Then in an e-mail exchange I found out that it was my sister-in-law. Jessica, you gave more than flowers. You relieved my discouragement and brightened my spirit after a very tough month. Thank you!

What Shall We Give?

Tears of Unspeakable Love

There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of

weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently

than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of

overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of

unspeakable love.

~Washington Irving

Today my tears flow from the fountain of unspeakable love. The love that I feel from others; the love that I feel for others; the love that I feel from the One who defines pure love. Through simple yet profound acts of charity "I have beheld his glory, and I am encircled about eternally in the arms of his love". (2 Nephi 1:15)

Show and Tell

I never did post the finished project that I did in quilt class last spring. This post, Quilt Class, will remind you of it. So here is my star table runner hanging on the dining room wall.

My goal was to get it finished by July 4th because a lot of my family was going to be at the house that week. With so much hand quilting to do it took determined effort but I got it done during the last week of June. I was initially going to paint stars on the wall to save on money but when I went to the local craft store for something else I saw that all stars were 50% off so I bought metal stars and painted them instead of the wall. I love the three-d effect.

Now we have started a new project. I love this class because I learn so much! With this project we are learning how to do foundation paper piecing. It really makes me wish I had learned or understood geometry better. Once I could wrap my brain around all the different layers and how the shapes would flip and lay, I got pretty good at.

Start with shapes and paper patterns.

The shapes are sewn directly to the paper in a numbered order creating 8 triangles which are then sewn into 4 triangles, then 2 half circles. I think I held my breath during this entire sewing process. I was afraid that the points wouldn't be lined up or that I'd get a piece in the wrong place or that my circle would be lopsided but with the paper piecing it all worked out perfectly.


Once they are all sewn the points come together and now I need to choose a background fabric.

This is what I'm leaning towards right now. Why am I always stuck on green or red? By the time I add a flying geese border and the edging it will end up as a square wall hanging, somewhere near 36x36. I'm thinking of hanging it in the stairwell on that big empty wall.


And if you remember this post, Sew Crazy, it was the beginning of a new hobby. Actually, it is a stress reliever for me. My family has no idea that when I am downstairs sewing it is usually a pretty good sign that I'm ignoring something else. I really do not like choosing fabric but I love putting it all together.

I tried to turn my hobby into profit when my sister in law, Jessica, offered to take them to the craft fair in Lava that she had a booth in. It didn't turn into much of a profit but sales did bring in enough to cover all of the fabric I had bought so I guess if I sell more that is where the profit will come in. My problem is that I'm not good at trying to sell them, I like giving them away. I did set up an etsy store but I need to get the pictures and descriptions loaded. I'll get around to it when the mood hits. Then, hopefully, it won't feel like my hobby is turning into a job.

Here are some of the bags I've done this fall. (The flower in some of them was just covering the ugly nail that they were hanging on.)


The first set ready to go to the fair

I liked this one when I got it finished so I kept it for myself. I had just enough fabric for a second one for the craft fair.

I had 2 of these and the same lady bought both of them at the craft fair. Either she was giving one away or didn't want anyone else on earth to have one like hers.

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I touched up the pictures to post this on etsy but when I learned that Kara really liked it, I gave it to her instead. Giving is so much more rewarding than selling!

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My first listing on the esty store. I actually have something listed!

The front . . .


and the back

I gave this one that I gave away as a Bunco gift when I hosted in November

Bunco gift

Bunco gift

Bunco gift

One side . . .

and the other side

This is the one I made for Caytlyn for her birthday. She loves anything orange or with a peace sign so I did both. This is also the one that I was in a hurry to finish and lost part of my finger to. This was also my first sewing machine applique project. Thanks so much for the instructions and personal training Jessica!

One side. . .

and the other side.

Someday I might get this one up on etsy. It was a new pattern that I wanted to try and I really liked it. It was simple to do, is a great size and can be easily changed for a variety of looks.

I did this one simply because I love the fabric. Also for etsy. The picture is lousy so I'll have to have a little photo shoot with it to get the listing ready.

I just gave one to mom for her birthday but I forgot to take pictures. She already had one of the very first ones that I made but since then I have learned to adjust the sizes to be a little more practical and comfortable, I've added pockets (most bags now have 3-6 pockets sewn into the lining), and all of my bags now had a magnetic clasp for privacy. She had requested one in black and white and I loved it so much that I may make one for myself.


I'm sure with a closet like this there will be many more to come.


I even have a few ideas coming together.

If only my bulky, bandaged finger didn't get in the way and throb so much while sewing!

The Spirit of Giving

We received a phone call that showed up as "private caller" on our caller ID.

"Merry Christmas. Go to the front porch."

We were given a huge box of food. I was surprised to see the reaction from the kids. It wasn't a box of treats or toys but a box of everyday practical foods that we use. A great moment where the gift itself doesn't matter near as much as the feelings it created, that someone thought of us and took the time and secrecy to deliver it was more meaningful than the food itself.

We are pretty sure we know who did it because every item in the box is something that is used frequently at our house or something that we have run out of lately, even down to Erika's favorite brand of Wassail. Which means that the foods chosen would have been suggested by teenage friends, Sisters who are always over at our house. I am so impressed at the details they noticed and passed on to their parents as they put it all together. Or we have no idea who did it and they were just very inspired to know what would be used at our house. Either way, we have great friends!

Another gift that appears so simple reveals hours and hours and hours of detailed work. My grandma started this tradition with her kids and grandkids and now that she is gone my mom has picked up the tradition. Each of these Christmas stockings is cross-stitched and has our names on them. There is so much love sewn into them!

When LeRoy and I were first married we used to daydream about our future home. I always said I wanted a fireplace. And now I have it. I love having all of the stockings hung, the garland and lights on the mantle and the fire below. It is a favorite reading place that we all congregate to in the evenings

I met my mom in Idaho Falls today and she brought Nathan's stocking with her. He was so excited. Actually, to take the picture I had to sneak into his room and gently pull it from his snuggled up arms. He was thrilled to have a stocking with his name on it and to brag to the other kids that grandma gave it to him. Thanks for continuing the tradition mom! I can't possibly express enough gratitude for the hours you have spent and the hours you will spend in the future doing Hyrum's stocking. We will treasure them forever.

Family Pictures 2009

I wasn't planning on getting a family picture until next spring some time around Levi's graduation when the flowers are in bloom and we could do an outside family picture, I'm kinda bored with the studio look. Then we were told that one of the most sought after photographers (or just the most expensive one) in Rexburg was doing a PTO fundraiser for one of the elementary schools. With a 2 day notice I didn't go to all the stressful effort of picking a color or matching shirts, I just informed everyone that they had to be there.

The photo shoot was irritating. We weren't that impressed with the photographer. Now wait a minute! I'm not bashing the professional, he IS a great photographer and person in general. But, his professionalism was kinda wearing thin on the final day of a 5 day run of families taking advantage of his "favor" for the friend PTO president. With a screaming deal like that I'm sure it brought in flocks of families that wouldn't have been able to do a family picture at all this year, especially with a photographer who usually does a spectacular job. With the people that were in front of us and behind us we overheard that they were only ordering the "gift" 8x10 that came with their $25 PTO donation. Not his usual profit.

He was very brief with us. His music was playing so loud that we couldn't hear him so he kept getting frustrated when we didn't do what he wanted the first time he said it. When we saw the pictures up on the screen, LeRoy and I didn't really like the family one at all. I won't list what we didn't like cause you might only see a great family picture and I'll leave it at that. When it came I was pleasantly surprised. It wasn't as bad as I thought. (You'll have to look past all the speckles and smears. Evidently I need to clean the scanner.)

I really do love the black and white one of the kids. This is my favorite.

And this one turned out better than I thought it would.

I also have an issue with the family picture, photographer aside, that I wonder about all family pictures. I wasn't even excited to go pick it up because I was avoiding the memories that I knew it would bring. I look at it and know the crap that was going on during that week. The struggles with a couple of the kids. Bad news in the week. An argument that LeRoy and I had. The fact that most of us had been sick that week and Levi was trying not to throw up while sitting in the waiting room. And then the 35 minute wait in the waiting area trying to keep Nathan and Hyrum from breaking something in that all glass environment. A picture worth a thousand words can also have a hundred memories.

In an effort to not always hate this family picture I sat it in front of me and decided to look at each child and see the good in the picture. My first selfish thought in this Polyanna game was that at least you can't see as much of my thighs as I originally thought was going to be visible. But wait, there was more, with more substance to it.

I love Nathan's grin. Originally, I was sad because it doesn't capture his naturally vibrant smile but this grin shows his obedience. He held that smile the whole time waiting for Hyrum to smile. I have tried lately to make it a point to thank Nathan for his obedience and now one of his phrases is "I'm being so obedient, huh".

I love Levi's smile. I see his patience in it. He really was sick and while in the waiting room I couldn't get one smile out of him. I was pleasantly surprised to see his smile knowing how yucky he felt. His grin reminds me of his baby pictures. I can't believe he will be 18 in a month.

Look at how tall Derek is! His grin shows just a hint of his mischievous, comic nature. That is also the same grin that I see every morning as he comes to give me a hug as he leaves for school. Really, that grin is always visible with Derek. His brief bouts of disappointment or frustration are just that, brief. He quickly comes back to a smile because that is who he is: good natured, fun, easy going, lovable.

Justin's smile isn't his normal big grin and if you look in his eyes you can see a determination to hold the smile even though there is boredom setting in. He is always in motion. He bounces his legs in church, he sways during prayer, he picks at his fingernails while he reads. The fact that his picture isn't fuzzy shows a sense of control that isn't visible to anyone but his mother.

Erika Jo hides a lot behind her smile. Just as it is a little fake (or just simply held on too long) for the picture, sometimes her smiles for others are a bit fake. She is struggling through some very grown up issues for her tender teenage years and yet she still smiles. I love the glow on her face. Though she doesn't see that glow in herself I know it is there and much of what she struggles with is because she is to hard on herself. She is not only beautiful physically but even more beautiful spiritually and I hope for the day that she can see that.

Hyrum's look reveals what we were all thinking: "what's with that duck you're waving in my face?" The whole time we were in the waiting room he was playful, smiling and giggling. As soon as the guy pulled out the fluffy duck this was all we could get. What I see more than the missing smile is his dainty little lips and his tiny fingers. Those were two features that I really noticed when he was born. He is growing up so fast and I love that this picture captured his graduation from infancy to toddlerhood.

What do I see when I look at LeRoy? He was on time!!! That does not happen much when it comes to taking care of others vs. being on time for his family. And I don't say that with spite, it's just the way it is and we are used to it. I had mentally prepped myself that I would take the kids to the studio by myself and he would come rushing in just in the nick of time but he came home early and we weren't rushed at all. And those dimples just beam with cheerfulness. He is always happy. I laugh when people call and ask how he is doing and he responds with "awesome" or "great" or "fantastic" when in the same moment he is hobbling in pain and worried about work and finances. He always sees the silver lining.

And me. I look a little tired but I like my hair and I even put on earrings and a necklace. Vain, yes but it was a hectic day and yet I kinda look put together. My hands are just barely visible, like most of the work that I do which is barely visible. That is the theme of my life. In all the bustle, hustle, struggle, stress and worries of holding this family together, I'm doing ok. Not because of me. In my somewhat posed, tired smile I see, or rather feel, what very few see and that is the strength that I feel pushing me along and filling in the areas that I do not have enough to give. I've really been learning in the past year to depend not on my own strength but on that of my Savior.

After this exercise I realize that I love this family picture. It is us. Together. Forever on canvas and for eternity.

And I must end with a positive note for the photographer. Levi's girlfriend Caytlyn and her family also had their pictures done. The photographer offered them a $1000 gift certificate in honor of her 15 year old brother, Brayden, that passed away in March. They didn't know the photographer personally and were very surprised by the offer. And he spent twice the amount of time than was scheduled for each family. Their pictures turned out awesome! They did them in a brown tone and in the pictures they have a simple vase with 3 orange gerber daisies (Brayden and Caytlyn's and their favorite flower), with the flowers still in orange and the rest of the picture in browns. I know this description doesn't do it justice but the pictures turned out so beautiful that I teared up looking through them. What a beautiful gift that he gave to their family!

Gory Finger Details

I can't give the details without it being a little gross so if you get squeamish hearing bloody description you might want to skip this post. However, for those of you morbid friends (ok, mostly my mom and sisters) here's what happened.

I'm not going to put the pictures up here because then you wouldn't have a choice to not see them so if you want to see the damage done and the ugly healing process go here: Finger Pics

It happened Thursday around 12:30. I was trying to get Caytlyn's birthday present done while Hyrum was down for a nap. Luckily, LeRoy ended up not going to Driggs that day as planned and was home for lunch. He was getting Nathan some lunch and putting him down for a nap. I was cruising along cutting fabric with my rotary cutter and mat board and things were moving along smoothly. For those of you who don't know how a rotary cutter is used here is a picture of how it works:

I only had 1 cut left and all of the fabric would be ready to sew together. I quickly lined up the ruler, stuck my hand across the top and zip . . . went right over my index finger. No, really. The cutter didn't even get stuck it just sliced through the skin as easily as it does the fabric. Originally I thought that the cutter had slipped up the side of the ruler but now, a couple of days and a million times reviewing it in my head later, I really think that I did not even have the cutter on the fabric, just the ruler. That shows how little attention I was giving to the sharp blade details.

I had the mat board sitting on the floor of the guest/craft room, right next to the bathroom door. As soon as I did it I knew it was bad. Within just a matter of seconds I sliced a chunk out of my finger, jumped up to the bathroom sink (only about 5 steps away), left a trail of blood on the fabric, carpet, tile and sink, and there I was kneeling in front of the sink with my finger shaking in shock while running cold water over it. I was kneeling because I suddenly felt so light headed, which is unusual for me with stuff like this but I think my body was quickly going into a bit of shock.

Thank goodness LeRoy was walking down the stairs to ask me a question just as I did it. He immediately took over and found the first aid kit. His professional medical opinion was to wrap it up in electrical tape. Ok, so he was going to give me gauze but his normal method is the tape. He felt that there was no reason to go to the doctor since there was nothing to stitch, it was completely cut off. I was more concerned with the amount of blood that I was losing and the fact that it wasn't slowing down, but I humored LeRoy. Why? I'm not sure. Maybe shock. Maybe not wanting to make the decision. Maybe because he had actually looked at it without passing out and was trying so hard to be helpful. Within a couple of minutes of having it wrapped in gauze and having the sanitary white turn to a dripping red, we realized it was not going to stop bleeding and a doctors opinion and help was a definite must.

Luckily, our neighbor is homeschooling her daughter this year and she was able to run over in a matter of minutes. In the 15 minutes it took to get from our house to the doctor I soaked through a very thick layer of gauze wrapping and a double wrapped paper towel that had been in LeRoy's truck. By the time I walked into Community Care it was dripping and they quickly got me in. I told the doctor what happened and he laughed. What?! This was not funny! Turns out that it kind of is funny. He joked that someone should start a crafty cutters club for all those women who have major cuts on their fingers thanks to rotary cutters. I now see the humor in it but at the time I was about to pass out or throw up. They tilted the bed so that all the blood was rushing to my head and that helped.

He removed the drenched wrapping and we watched for a minute as my finger released a constant trickle of blood. LeRoy did his best to make small talk with anyone that would listen as he tried not to look at it. The needle that was stuck in that freshly cut skin brought great relief but only after it forced me to tears and nearly a swear word or two. Upon examining it I was told that I had cut clear down to the 3rd layer of skin and had just missed the bone. It was determined that it had to be cauterized which they first tried to do with a chemical (silver nitrate) but even after a few minutes of that it started to bleed again so he picked up this tool to use. I heard a slight buzzing noise and then from LeRoy, "you're welding her finger?". The doctors response, "it's kinda like that". I was to numb to respond at the time so the two of them had their own conversation about it. I was just glad it was over. And then I had to sit up. Dizzy!

I went home with a very numb finger, grateful that I hadn't lost my whole finger or even feeling in the finger and thought the worst was over. Not so! The healing process has been worse than the actual accident or office visit. There are some moments that I wonder if a lifetime of no feeling in that finger would be better than the torture it is to grow in a replacement. My charcoal burn hurts! I skipped the whole 2nd, 3rd degree burn thing and went right to charcoal with that little "welding" tool. I now suffer from a constant burned feeling. Like a blistering burn that is deep in the skin and you just cannot find relief for. Added to that is the awakening of all the little nerves that I severed and their own healing process as new skin grows in. There is a never ending throb that feels much like the smashed in the door kind of throbbing and it is sometimes so strong that I tear up. Growing a new finger is painful!

They initially sent me home without pain killers but by Saturday night (it happened on Thursday) I couldn't stand it any longer. Rather than sit forever in the ER (since it was the middle of the night) I decided to just take one of LeRoy's. I only took half but it was enough to dull the pain so that I could sleep. The first thing I did Monday morning was call the doctor for my own prescription and my finger is feeling a little better, though the throbbing is still there the pain is a bit relieved. The pain killer does leave me very sleepy and a bit sick to my stomach. I wish there was something to apply directly to the finger to just numb the it instead of my whole body.

By Monday afternoon my finger was burning and turning bright red so I went back to the Doctor to have him look at it. They had said to come back in one week to check for infection but I was a little concerned so I went in early. Of course, I couldn't just cut my finger, have it cauterized and deal with constant throbbing pain, I might as well go the whole way and get an infection. So now I'm on an antibiotic as well. I've also noticed that my jaw hurts. Probably from clenching my teeth at the constant pain. And my middle finger is tired from doing it's own work plus that of the injured pointy fingers work. Aghh, one little cut causes a whole ripple affect throughout the body.

Oh, and in case you are wondering, I did finish Caytlyn's gift. When I took it to her I assured her that there was no blood or skin sewn into it and the silly girl was a bit sad about that. She loves having a story to tell. Levi and Caytlyn asked me what I want for Christmas and in a numb drugged up state I said "my finger back". Not because I really care that I will spend the rest of my life with a deformed finger but because I wish I could take back just 2 seconds of my past to avoid this whole painful experience. Caytlyn jumped on that wish asking if my finger was still in the garbage downstairs and suggested they find a locket to put it in. Good thing I took out the garbage!

I've asked my brother Joe for permission to join the Fullmer Finger Club. It has previously been an all male club: my grandpa, my uncle, my brother. They all lost the end of one of their fingers too. Even though mine is a slice instead of whacking off the top, I am suffering similar consequences and will live the rest of my life with the visible reminder of my stupidity. Anyone second the motion?