9/11

Every year on September 11th, I fall into a very somber mood as memories of that day in 2001 creep to the forefront of my thoughts.

The morning started like any other other school day.

Tuesday.

I got up early with LeRoy (5:30am) to fix him breakfast before he left for work in Jackson.

I woke the three older kids, fed them, and they walked through the field to Kennedy Elementary.

I headed down to the basement to do a pilates video, my usual morning workout.

Justin, only two and half, always woke up in time to wave his siblings off to school and then wandered down with me to either attempt pilates or to "play pool" on the pool table that took up 80% of the room.

This particular morning, Justin grabbed a pile of books from his room and brought them down with him. It was a little odd since he usually saved his books for nap time and used the morning to burn some of his energy but I never deny a kid a handful of books. He was already situated on the couch with a sippy cup and his books when I turned the TV on to start my VHS workout.

I was immediately caught up in the news as I saw a couple of buildings in New York that were both on fire. The replays of one tower already on fire and a plane - yes, a plane! - crashing into the second tower seemed unreal; something that would be in a movie or news from another country. There were also reports of a plane crashing into the Pentagon. I felt a growing pit in my stomach as I listened to announcers stating that this was no longer speculated as an accident, as the first plane crashing into a building was assumed. This was an attack.

paper floating
bodies falling
billowing flames
black smoke

7:59 - I sat cross-legged on the floor in confusion with the rest of the nation as a huge, rolling cloud engulfed the second tower that had been hit. The live feed had everyone guessing.

"we don't know what just happened"
"maybe something fell off the building"
"did the top fall off?"
"the entire building has just collapsed"
"the WHOLE building has collapsed!?!?"

It was gone, and left in it's place was a massive gray cloud of dust, smoke and debris. The news announcers didn't quite know what to say. There wasn't a script for this.

Justin sat quietly looking at his books.

President Bush sat in an elementary school classroom to read to kids on live television. A guard interrupted the reading to whisper into the President's ear. A few minutes later the President announced from that same school, in front of teachers, children and the nation, that our country was under a terrorist attack.

LeRoy called from Jackson to see if I had heard the news. He offered to come home but what was there to do in Idaho but sit glued to the horrific events unfolding and being replayed over and over again?

I sucked in my breath and simultaneously mumbled, "no, no, no" as I watched the other burning building collapse and the news announcers literally fall into silence. Tears of reality and acceptance replaced disbelief. Even the stoic new announcers were getting choked up.

Justin climbed into my lap and put his hand on my cheek. "Otay mommy?"

I couldn't respond through the choking sob I was holding in. I could only hug him. I wished for his innocence. I believe he felt more that day than I've ever given him credit for. I kept thinking I should turn it off but that felt like abandonment of those suffering the actual events. Justin stayed on my lap for nearly three hours; his closeness offering what little comfort I felt that morning.

We were still sitting there when Derek (5) got home from kindergarten.
Justin informed him, "Mommy sad."
More innocence soaked up in confusion.

a hijacked plane diverted by heroes
death toll estimates reaching astronomical numbers
all US airspace completely grounded, not one commercial or private plane in the sky
F-15's guarding New York City
speculation
terror

When Levi (9) and Erika (7) got home from school I found that they had a very vague picture of what had happened. They had watched the president's announcement at school. I filled in the basic details.

Levi would be very affected by that day. He was solemn and emotional. I witnessed an incredible degree of empathy grow in him as he learned over the following weeks of what had taken place and how it was affecting other people. I saw him tear up in emotion at updated stories of survivors, the lost, and the heroes. I watched him build, glue together and hang on his wall a puzzle of the towers with the US flag in the background.

The days and weeks to follow brought the death toll down significantly but also left a staggering number of people missing and reported dead. Phone calls from both inside the towers before they collapsed, and Flight 93 before it crashed, brought the reality of real people living and dying through these horrible events.

Heroes were found in unlikely places and in the most dire of circumstances.

Church services and prayer from all denominations were at all all time high nation wide.

The nation came together in mourning.

Devastation created common ground.

Travel would never be the same again.

The clean up in New York took years.

There were declarations of war.

The following years did indeed bring war.

I had never quite understood when my grandparents would talk about how they knew exactly where they were, what they were wearing and who they were with when Pearl Harbor was bombed. My parents remembered the exact same things (where, what and who) about the day President Kennedy was shot. I thought, well sure, it was in the news and was big but it didn't directly affect your life much.

Now I understand.

Each year as videos are replayed, flags are lowered and names are read, I remember.

I remember deep anguish for the suffering of others.

I remember my peaceful little boy and his comforting chubby hand resting on my cheek as he spent hours by my side, offering what the pure innocence of childhood offers. . . peace in the moment and hope for a better future.

A Boyd Visit

I received emails in May from Brendan and Jeremy, asking if they could stay with us for the summer and work with LeRoy. We were glad to offer Brendan a job with LeRoy and Jeremy a job around our house. The boys were excited to have a big brother figure in the basement again.

Brendan was a great apprentice for LeRoy and I was thrilled to have Jeremy work for me around the house. Jeremy painted the guestrooms and helped the boys build the new jungle gym for the play area. In free time, they shot air guns, played on the trampoline and in the sprinklers and when the heat was at its worst, they had a free day at Airbound.

Kellie and the girls came and stayed for a few days which made for great company. Andie read most of the time, Hailey played pet whisperer with the dog, cats, and bunny, and Madelyn entertained us with her excitement and enthusiasm over any and every topic.

Erika was also visiting for a few days at the same time, so Kellie and I took Kailee and Madelyn to Bear World. 

Seeing the bears from the van was okay but they loved hanging out in the shade in the petting zoo.

We also rode on the train and Huckleberry Drop a few times.

These little girls keep us young and remind us to keep it simple and enjoy nature and each other. 

Fullmer Reunion 2019

I love these Fullmers!

I'm so grateful for my parents and sisters!
There's a playful joy that comes from siblings and cousins, nieces and nephews, grandkids and grandparents.

Evan and Trudy Fullmer

Nathan and Hyrum are perfect uncles for our adventurous Kailee Jo and she adores them!

Bret was a doting daddy as he followed her around and played in the water with her.

Erika was busy snuggling with one month old Lilly, when I wasn't stealing her.

There was oodles of food, a frenzy of games, plenty of sunshine and the lake for refreshment. Having a cabin made it so much simpler than tent camping and was much more comfortable for LeRoy and I. There are few moments that remind us that we are aging, but sleeping on the ground is definitely one of them. We didn't even mind sleeping in the loft of the cabin so that Bret, Erika and the girls could sleep downstairs. It was much easier for us up there than for the boys. Until it was puking time.

I had warned the boys around 10:30pm that they should probably cut back on the candy that was readily available by the pound while they played games at the pavilion. But, I know all too well how hard it is to stop snacking in social settings, with the treats staring you down, and the unspoken rule of eating while playing games. I warned, but I left it up to them to decide.

Around 1:00am I could hear Nathan constantly rustling in his sleeping bag. He was on an air mattress on the wood floor so it made all kinds of noise. After about 20 minutes, I asked him if he was okay. "I don't feel so good." But, he tried to go back to sleep. I attempted the same but with thoughts of what to do in case he needed to throw up. We were in the loft with the attic stairs up to give the downstairs a bit more room and to not tempt Kailee to climb them. We didn't have a garbage can or bags. No paper towels or rags, though I did have my water bottle that if absolutely necessary, I'd let him use to wash his mouth out.

Not even 15 minutes later, I hear the familiar, "moooommmm???" I grabbed the flashlight, opened the door in the loft that led to a fake balcony, guided Nathan there and directed him to puke over the railing and to NOT hit the air conditioner that was in the window directly below. After several minutes of the horrible wretching sound from our loft to the muffled plop on the ground, I gave him my water bottle and some tissues that I found in the pocket of my backpack. Soon the loft ladder was pulled down and Bret came up to give us a garbage can, paper towels and some more water. The next morning I learned their perspective of the night with a muffled wretching sound and a very loud splatter right outside the window next to their bed.

The experience prompted Nathan and Hyrum to be much more cautious about late night eating, especially sweets, and it caused me to be puke prepared for the remainder of the weekend. It also gave us a funny memory to go with our reunion.

Airbound, Weber, Jazz

In 2007 I put Justin in gymnastics in an attempt to focus his energy and "tricks" in a positive place and to save the couch and his bed from daily jumping, bouncing, flipping abuse. Airbound, his hard work and determination, and a friend convincing him to try out for high school cheer, sent him much further than we expected. Even far enough to pay a good portion of his university tuition.

As Justin progressed on the Weber Spirit Squad, he set a new goal to try out for the Utah Jazz Stunt Team. He adjusted his nutrition, changed his workouts, and focused on partner stunting. I received amazing Snap Chat videos showing his improvements with each new stunt, though much to my dismay, the videos self-destruct after watching. Still, I was witness to his hard work and commitment and was immediately his number one fan as he gained the status of a Utah Jazz Stunt Team Member.

At a Jazz game a couple of months later, he was able to do his firm official half-time performance with his original gym coach in attendance.

ValaRae was texting me throughout the evening and was so thrilled to watch Justin. She was especially impressed that right after doing the routine, Justin looked right at their family among the crowded stadium.

Camdyn and Jensen were already Justin fans from the gym when he would coach them, but having Justin search them out and make a quick visit in their sky box completely made their surprise birthday game an even bigger surprise.

From ValaRae on Facebook:
We took our boys to the jazz game. It was a special treat to learn that our beloved Justin Edwards was performing not once but twice!! Don’t worry he has not abandoned Weber. He is doing BOTH!! We are so proud of where your talent has taken you.

It was so tender to receive this text between performances from Justin: “I find it very fitting that my very first tumbling coach saw my very first tumbling pass in professional cheer. Thanks for being an awesome mentor Val!”

We love and miss you terribly!!! But are excited for your adventures ahead of you!!!

4th of July

The day started with a series of texts from a neighbor . . .

It's fun that even in Utah, Justin has people recognize him. I love it that others cheer for him, especially when we aren't there.

Nathan, Hyrum and I spent a couple of days in Utah, which happened to also include the 4th of July. Kate had invited us to her house for their traditional barbecue so we decided to go a couple of days early to spend time at Kellie's house while they were in the country and to see Erika's family as well.

All the cousins had a fun water balloon fight, which helped battle the extreme heat and pulled them out of the house for a bit.

I will never understand the draw of a HOT tub when the weather is nearly 100 degrees but the kids were convinced it was the best thing to do after splashing around with lukewarm water balloons.

Kellie and Baby Lilly had the right idea! Napping with snuggles are the best!

At dusk (which still felt very past my bedtime), Mike set up all the sparklers and fireworks near the intersection where all the neighbors came together to share their colorful (and safe) explosions. I thought it was a perfect show for the 4th celebration.  Nathan and Hyrum felt it a bit lacking; missing their dad's dangerous flare for the holiday.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch in Rexburg . . .

Poor Daymia was left with all the guys. Tom Waldron (a friend from the ward) was living with us for a few weeks until he was finished teaching on campus and would be moving to Arizona with his family, and Brendan was living with us while working for LeRoy for the summer. Levi brought his friend Danny over and that meant Daymia was alone with LeRoy, Levi, Tom, Brendan and Danny. All great guys but I won't do that to her again.

They had a picnic, some shooting time, some blowing up time, and my cousin showed up with her roommates for the fireworks. I can't say that I missed it since every 4th is just a day of prayer and anxiety for me, but the boys really wanted to be home, even though it was initially their idea to hang out with their cousins this year.

Grandbabies

These beauties have stolen our hearts! Kailee is so gentle and loving to Lilly.

Kailee is also very loving towards Charlie. She kept trying to kiss him but he would always lick her face as she got close, so in return, she reached forward and licked him! A big hairy kiss had his eyes looking a little concerned and confused.

Lilly is a very calm baby but every once in a while needs a little extra comfort by way of pacifier. Because she doesn't use the pacifier often and is also tongue and lip tied, she accidentally pops it out frequently. Erika's answer was very creative! Invention born of necessity.

Kailee also has a very sensitive heart for her show characters, specifically Spirit, the horse. In certain episodes, she completely breaks down and is so overcome with emotion in behalf of Spirit. She's afraid that Spirit has really been kidnapped or hurt or is scared and the only thing that calms her down is her parents or continuing to the next episode where the trouble with Spirit is resolved.

LeRoy is such a doting grandpa! His enthusiasm when he sees the girls leaves no doubt in Kailee's mind that Grandpa loves her. He may not get to see them often but they will always know he is excited to see them and that he would do anything for them.

That same love and devotion also applies to their mommy!

Erika 1993  ~  Kailee 2016  ~  Lilly 2018

The littles also have their aunts and uncles completely smitten.

It is so fun to watch Levi and Daymia practice parenting with their nieces.

June: new mower, essential oils, and Crispy Cones

There's always room for play time at our house and that isn't limited to the Littles.

I pulled out both of our lawn mowers to start my summer mowing chores and ended up ready to throw a wrench, hammer and boulder at both of them! One of them wouldn't start or cut right; the other had such horrible steering that I would end up going over the lawn about three time just to cut all the grass, and it was held together with a bungee cord that kept falling off. In full frustration I snapped at LeRoy because he kept bringing home these junkers for me to do my work and had mentioned looking on Facebook for another used one, when he spends top dollar for the tools to do his work. Within an hour, I had my new tool and it worked better than I could have ever hoped! It only took me 10 years to speak up.

In honor of our favorite Europeans, we took a treat run to Crispy Cones. It was a temporary tent set up by a returned missionary that had served in the Czech Republic. He wanted to treat fellow Rexburgians to one of his favorite Czech desserts. I do believe it would taste much better and have better texture in Europe, with flours, jams, and creams that aren't so heavy and sweet.

As Levi and I talked essential oils and sniffed until we found our favorite blends, Hyrum joined in and made his very first blend. He named it Whisper and it soon became one of my favorites as well.

Max & Zane: Brownies, Baptism and Temple

The first thing the boys did together for the spring spectacular was to taste test mug brownies. We made two different brands and they did their reviews.

I honestly can't remember which one they liked best, but it was fun to have them give their reviews.

On Saturday morning, we went to Brock Orr's baptism since he is the fifth member of this little band of brothers. The boys each wrote a kind note for him and gave him a bag of mini Starbursts. Even with his cousins and family there, Brock seemed so pleased to have them there and made it a point to come and thank them.

Since we were all dressed up, we (the Mom's) decided to make a visit to the temple grounds.

I hope these four grow up to be good friends, always supporting each other in positive ways.

Watching them walk off together was a brief glimpse into their futures, walking confidently into their lives on the covenant path as individuals, but with the companionship of memories and as "brethren in the Lord". (Alma 17:2)

As we walked around the temple, Nathan paused to tell them about his Priesthood Tree. He explained how his first picture with the tree was taken the day he received the Priesthood and that it was just barely budding with new spring leaves. By the time he went to the temple to do baptisms a couple of weeks later it was blooming and becoming more full, and just like his tree, he will continue to grow toward the sun/Son as he progressed through the Aaronic and Melchizedek Priesthood. 

He also stopped in front of the baptism doors and explained to them all the steps of doing baptisms, from having your recommend checked, changing clothes and taking a name of someone in our family line to do baptisms and confirmations for. I was impressed at their attention and his willingness to share it with them.

A few weeks later, I was cleaning a bunch of papers off of Nathan's desk and found this written out. He is a thoughtful and loving young man.

Max and Zane: Bear World and Mesa Falls

Our second annual trip to Bear World was just as fun as the first. It's the perfect place to enjoy a bit of nature and have some fun rides for a touch of excitement and adrenaline.

 

It's also a great way to see how our boys measure up from the year before. Though it doesn't look that drastic on Nathan's growth, he did grow almost five inches between pictures.

This year we took a curator tour and the boys got to feed the bears and see them up close. As we watched the cubs wander over and beg for food, it didn't seem so different as our own cute little cubs doing the same.

Also this year, the boys talked us into going on the Spinning Bears and roller coaster with them. They laughed and laughed as I tried to get them to stop spinning in mock panic and they tried so hard to make it spin faster. Kara was a great sport on the roller coaster; I will never ride it again and the boys think that is hilarious.

Another day that week, we took Kara, Max and Zane to our yearly mini-hike to Mesa Falls. A stranger walking toward the parking lot let us know that we could check out adventurer backpacks for the boys. The backpacks were full of bug catching nets, binoculars, rock and bug guides to keep their interest and something to spy around for.

Nature better watch out for this crew. After a good covering of bug spray, we headed onto the trail.

The bug nets and binoculars were a hit! We'll never take the trail without them again. They also had chisels to chip away at rocks, which had tree-hugging hikers glaring at us, but the park provided them so we let them go at it.

Our attempt at a selfie by the falls.

After our hike, we stopped at the lodge to take our best guesses at the animal pellets on display. We also found which animal fur was soft, rough, and prickly.

On our way home, we made an unscheduled stop at Frostop Cafe in Ashton.

They loved their root beer floats and the "old fashioned" cafe. It may need to become part of our tradition in the future.

Growing in the Gospel

Hryum stayed home from school one day with a headache and fever. He slept for most of the day but at one point mid-morning, I came out of my office to find him sitting on the floor with both my scriptures, and his.

He was using my scriptures as a guide and marking his own scriptures to match mine. He was so focused that when I walked over to the window to take a couple of pictures, he just thought I was looking out the window. Moments like this that give me hope and confidence in his spiritual future. Taking the time to connect with God through written word is so healing.

Nathan was asked to give his first talk in Sacrament Meeting. He initially tried to get out of it but after a little study on the topic (4th Article of Faith) he felt he could do it. We spent several conversations just discussing, looking up additional scriptures and quotes and breaking down the details. Then he wrote it on his own.

Just like he had done in primary, he practiced his talk out loud. I knew he was doing this and every once in a while he'd come and do it for me, mostly for encouragement. Little did I know that he was actually practicing with an audience.

He had set all his stuffed animals to face him in full attention and had built his own podium using his desk chair and clothes basket.

On the day that he gave his talk he asked if we could do an additional prayer together. He was glad that he was helping to pass the sacrament so that he didn't just have to sit through it getting more nervous. He did a wonderful job! He spoke clearly, shared scriptures and words from the prophets and shared his testimony.