It is not pleasant.
But the process has been good for me.
Spiritually strengthening, actually.
New Era April 2015 Mormonad
I sent an email to my mom and sisters sharing the details of that learning process and received even greater strength as they responded with their own personal experiences and insights.
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I haven't shared this with anyone but LeRoy because well, I evidently love to suffer in silence, but for the last 4 weeks I have had fluid behind my ear. Doesn't sound too bad, and it wasn't for the first week but by the 2nd week (after trying every homeopathic trick I knew) I went to the doctor (PA actually) and he (of course!) prescribed antibiotics. I did the 10 day run of that and it wasn't any better. In fact, it was worse. I was losing my hearing and the echoing in my head was getting louder, not to mention annoying. The PA suggested I try another antibiotic and I just bypassed that and called a friend of ours who is an ENT specialist.
He took one look at it and said I did not have an infection but rather, fluid behind the ear drum that was pushing the ear drum out and affecting my hearing. He gave me 2 shots (1 slow release steroid, 1 quick steroid) and nasal steroid spray to hopefully open up the eustachian tube enough to drain the fluid....but I had to wait another 7 days to see if that would work. It didn't.
I went back again after going nearly batty and losing every ounce of patience I had for my silly kids and their loud noises and had a myringotomy where the doctor numbed my ear drum, made an incision and sucked the thick fluid out. It has taken the pressure out of my head and it did take the echo away and I can hear again. Now I feel air going through my ear drum every time I breathe in and out....cold air in and body temp air out. I can breathe through my ear! Such an easy trade off and it should close up again in a couple of weeks.
*Update: my eardrum did not heal as quickly as expected and it took another round of hearing and tube tests to try to figure out why I was still hearing in echoes and mumbles. Ultimately, I just had to wait it out and after another 5 weeks everything has finally healed and my hearing is normal again.
So, what does this have to do with the March Ensign? Kudos for reading this far....it gets better.
Over the weekend I was really losing it. I had tried so hard for the last month to keep my patience when the world sounded like a mumbling, echoing mess of noise. As I explained to the ENT, I felt like I had a snot nosed kid sitting on my shoulder (because I could hear the fluid moving) and I had an relentless monster snoring in my forehead (my own breathing, which occasionally I would hold just so it I could have a moment of silence!). Sounds like doors shutting, kids jumping, balls bouncing, general noise of children all reverberated through my head in full pressure volume. LeRoy was frustrated because he could no longer holler from anywhere in the house and I would respond. I was frustrated because I couldn't hear phone calls well and public places were impossible to hear in (I guess I can relate to overstimulated kids in loud public places). I couldn't take it anymore. It was very reminiscent of that last week of a pregnancy when I would just pray for the pains of labor to come on so that it would be over. I was praying for the pain of a ruptured eardrum so that this part would be over.
Sunday afternoon I had to go to the guestroom and distance myself. I put my earphones in and turned up Mozart piano as loud as I could stand it so that I couldn't hear my own breathing, heartbeat and blood flow or the sounds of a house full of energetic kids. The only thing I took with me was my book, the new Ensign, and a water bottle.
Now, to the point :D There were a couple of articles that were very strengthening and helped me at that last moment when I felt I couldn't go on like this any longer. Have you ever wanted to stick a toothpick in your ear to relief the pressure? I have! Reading through the Ensign (followed up with prayer and a good cry) gave me that last little dose of comfort that I needed to get to Monday at 3:00.
I'll just leave the page and quotes:
pg 7 - Visiting Teaching message, President Uchtdorf.
Patience is not simply enduring; it is enduring well! Patience means accepting that which cannot be changed and face it with courage, grace, and faith.
pg 50 - The Savior's Respect For Women (the whole article is wonderful!)
Of Mary and turning the water to wine for the wedding:
"Woman," or, rather, "lady," is in Greek a title of respect, used even in addressing queens. It was as though He {Jesus} said to his mother, "My lady, whatsoever you ask of me in faith, I will grant it unto you." This account shows that the Savior was interested in the routine pressures that women faced.
I cried at this point! The thought of him saying that to me as I had requested a priesthood blessing and was pleading for relief was a little overwhelming. When it takes a week to get in with the ENT, they got me in that afternoon when I called Monday morning. Such a blessing!
What a beautiful lesson we learn from Mary: when in need, seek after and trust in Jesus Christ, who has all power. Like Mary, Latter-day Saint women today can rely on Jesus Christ in faith when they are feeling overwhelmed with their responsibilities. (pg 51)
Of the Woman from Samaria:
Because of her faith, the Samaritan woman received a witness from the Spirit and desired to testify that Jesus was the Christ. By featuring this experience, John shows that the Savior is aware of women and knows the details of their lives. This account shows that Jesus Christ knows each woman's challenges and can accept and lift her.
Pg 14 - David A. Bednar
Because of His infinite and eternal sacrifice, the Savior has perfect empathy and can extend to us His arm of mercy. He can reach out, touch, succor, heal, and strengthen us to be more than we could ever be and help us to do that which we could never do relying only upon our own power... The unique burdens in each of our lives help us to rely upon the merits, mercy, and grace of the Holy Messiah.
My "unique burden" has reminded me to rely on Christ. When medicine, doctors, strange yoga poses, weird breathing techniques, or any other thing on this earth could not lighten my burden, He did! I am so grateful!
I hope you too feel the love of our Savior!
Love You All
Kimber
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