My Life is Complete

at least for this moment.

For the first time in 9 months I went to ward choir. The last time I attended was in our other ward the week before Hyrum was born. I didn't know that it was such a fulfilling thing to me but it felt like I had finally remembered to pray.

As we began the song "This is the Christ" I felt like I had just joined the Heavenly Choir. Not because we sounded that great, it was kind of an awful first try, but because my spirit recognized it as truth and I felt Jesus' love and sacrifice for me as we sang it.

I'm not a great singer but I certainly feel an abundance of loved wrapped around me as I participate in and listen to others sing words of praise. Hopefully my Heavenly Father hears what is in my heart and not all of the notes that I fumble through.

This is the Christ, the holy Son of God,
Our Savior, Lord, Redeemer of mankind.
This is the Christ, the healer of our souls
Who ransomed us with love divine.

Nathan's scripture

I decided that if Nathan could memorize lines from books and movies that maybe it was time to memorize something really important. He picked it up so quickly, but with one little glitch. He would always skip "Jesus Christ" after "in His son" so I would stop him and ask "who's his son?". He evidently thought that the question belonged in there. It took us about 2 weeks to break him of that habit and he says it perfectly but I still love to hear it this way.

Holiday Vacation

The past 2 weeks have been so full of fun but have gone so fast. My only regret is that I didn't have my camera out more. Luckily, Kellie took lots of pictures so I can get some from her, just not in time to get this post off my to-do list.

We had Shawn and Kellie and their family here for a week and it felt like we were on vacation in our own home. We had date nights, shared Christmas, played games and just had a really great time. I loved my time with Kellie learning more about her life in Peru. I have gained a new appreciation for my own ward (in English) and for a carpeted house that feels so cozy and it has renewed in me a gratitude for so many simple things that I have taken for granted.

Some of my favorite moments from that week were watching Nathan and Andie play together. Those two are ADORABLE!! Their imaginations and expressions kept us laughing and truly enjoying the 2-3 year stage. The only thing that comes close to matching the cuteness of Nathan and Andie is Andie's crush on Levi. Her tackling hugs were rewarded with adoring grins from Levi.

The four boys, (Derek, Justin, Brendan and Jeremy) seemed to spend every waking moment together, as well as the moments that they were supposed to be sleeping. They swapped remote control cars, boxing gloves, swords and gameboy systems around like best friends.

After Kellie's family left, Nathan kept moping around the house saying, "where's my Andie, I want Andie". Some of the other kids commented on how empty the house felt without them here. I felt very much the same way. Having them here made this one of our favorite Christmases ever!

Our Christmas was also blessed because we had mom and dad here for 2 days. It was great seeing their expressions when opening their gifts and letting them enjoy the expressions from the kids as they all opened their books and mentally disappeared from the gifting festivities to read, even though there were more gifts under the tree. Mom has certainly picked the best grandma tradition ever to give them books every year!

................

Dad's gift from Mom took him from Santa to Stylin'!

I think LeRoy had the most fun when the 3 Elders that were visiting us for the day finally finished their phone calls home and eating. Then they had hours to spend playing pool, foosball and Monopoly.

Once Christmas day was over we settled into a routine of sleeping in, cold cereal for breakfasts, lazing around with our new toys, reading, eating way to much sugar stuff, sledding, movies and staying up way past any normal bedtime routine.

We were having so much fun with Shawn and Kellie here that when they left on the 31st we had trouble coming up with a party for New Year's Eve. LeRoy took the boys to get treats and the best they could come up with was crackers, cheese and oreo's. I huddled in the office doing my own thing, Levi and Erika were at the stake party, the little boys went to bed a little early, and LeRoy, Derek and Justin stayed up until 2:30 am watching movies.

The only little bit of celebration to welcome in a new year happened when some of the families in the neighborhood went around the block banging pans with spoons and yelling "happy new year". My boys went to the door and cheered back with the intention of joining them but with the door open for that short time the freezing weather changed their minds and they headed for the tv once again.

Then I got a call from Josh and in one phone call the party began again. Josh, Trachelle, Samantha, Amberle and Matt showed up Friday afternoon and stayed through Sunday. Can I just say, Wii had fun!!

They brought their new Wii with them and we all played. The kids were great at Lego Star Wars and Mario, the older kids liked the sports pack and in every game that I did on the Wii fit I beat every high score that had been set during the last week. That made me feel great considering I was beginning to feel like a flobby, puffy, holiday mess having done nothing to stay fit during the past 2 weeks. Josh's comment was "it's like having Michael Jordan come to the house and show you know how crappy you are at what you thought you were doing good at". My only advantage is that I have done yoga and pilates and most of Wii fit is based on balance. Believe me, I wouldn't beat anyone at down hill ski jump or hoola hoop if it was to save my life! It was exciting to get 800+ rotations in 4 minutes in hoola hoop, and my hips paid for it the next day, though it was a tad embarrassing doing the hoola hoop with everyone watching.

WHY?

I found myself once again in the mother's room during sacrament meeting. I've started to wonder if I am the only one who uses the rocker in there and if it is going to have a permanent sit print from me. For some reason Hyrum is just more calm in the mother's room and will go to sleep before Sunday school if I spend a little time in there with him.

As I took my usual let's-see-if-we-can-get-this-kid-to-go-to-sleep-without-his-bed rocking position and attempted to tune myself to those speaking instead of the squealing cry that Hyrum was offering, I wondered to myself, "why do I do this every week?". I know the logical behind it of setting a good example for the kids, teaching the babies that we go to church and eventually they will be reverent, and it's where I'm supposed to be but sometimes it really just feels like body mauling and ear splitting torture.

Then, a child started to speak.

Hyrum nearly choked on his cry because he suddenly had an interest in the faceless voice that spoke so clearly in the room. It was the first child of about 8 to share their testimonies. At first I brushed it off as the usual memorized child testimony and sarcasm was winning in my mind. Nearly every child said the exact same thing and I wondered if they were all from the same primary class and had been coached on what to say when sharing a testimony. Then, I noticed Hyrum's reaction. He would fuss as an adult spoke and listen intently as a child spoke. Again the sarcasm: "it's just the voices he is interested in, not the words".

Then a voice gently spoke in my head: "listen to the words".

After listening to about 5 more children, I had their testimonies memorized. I realized that their simple testimonies were the answer to my question. I go every week because:

I know the church is true.
I know that Joseph Smith is a true prophet.
I know that President Monson is a true prophet.
I know my family loves me.

Refrigerator Epiphany

I find myself going to the refrigerator over and over again hoping that the next time I open it I will find the perfect snack to curb my cravings. I guess I'm hoping for a perfectly delicious feast complete with mouth watering flavor, an appealing display to grab my tastebud attention through my eyes and of course it would be soundly nutritious to lead my body to my ideal fitness level. I sometimes move things around hoping that this magical meal is hiding in one of the drawers or behind a block of cheese.

That is never what I find. The contents always look the same. Vegetables and greens in the drawers waiting to be cleaned and cut. Eggs and meats needing cooking time and usually a recipe to go along with them. A variety of dairy (milk, yogurt, cheeses) tempting me from the top shelf but seeming incomplete and needing some kind of preparation to turn them into a meal.

It's just more work than I want to put out. I just want to eat.

And to feel satisfied.

I had been breezing through some scriptures that I used in a talk a couple of months back when once again I wandered my way to the refrigerator. I was feeling a little discouraged because my 5 minute tip toe through the scriptures had not resulted in an awe inspiring moment of clarity and instruction for my never ending list of pleadings . . endurance, patience, motherly guidance, self acceptance . . the list goes on. When things don't work out the way I want them to I tend to eat. And once again I found myself staring into the refrigerator.

There, I found my answer. Not in the scriptures but in the refrigerator!

It was very clear to me that everything I needed to make a tasty, healthy and satisfying snack was in there. I just had to take the time to pull it out, prepare it, and enjoy it. It was my own laziness holding me back from tummy satisfaction.

And it was also very clear to me that I have been doing the same with the scriptures, wishing that the perfect answers to my nagging questions would magically appear in bold, italic lettering during my 2 minute stare-off with the pages. I go to them frequently only gazing into them with a blank, lazy peek not wanting to put forth the real effort to find the encouraging, uplifting and guiding feast that I know, from past experience, is in there.

So I once again returned to my scriptures. I still didn't have much time to give to them knowing that motherhood would be calling at any moment, but I was willing to really see and soak in the words and meanings in the pages that I went to. I was immediately led to a scripture, once again from the talk that I had prepared, and felt this time an outpouring of love, a promise of help and as a result a desire to be better committed to feasting on the words of Christ. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jacob 3:1-2

Look unto God with firmness of mind, and pray unto him with exceeding faith, and he will console you in your afflictions, and he will plead your cause . . . lift up your heads and receive the pleasing word of God, and feast upon his love; for ye may, if your minds are firm, forever.

What I must do:
*Look to God
*Pray
*Lift up my head (quit the pity party)
*Go to the scriptures

What I may receive:
*Comfort in afflictions
*Feast upon His Love

The footnote for "if your minds are firm forever" led me to Alma 57:27: "and their minds are firm, and they do put their trust in God continually". Also Alma 37:5: "that as much as ye shall put your trust in God even so much ye shall be delivered out of your trials, and your troubles, and your afflictions, and ye shall be lifted up at the last day".

The phrase "comfort in afflictions" reminded me of the teachings of Alma on the atonement in Alma 7:11: "he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind". Suggesting to me that the Atonement will offer me comfort in my afflictions of self doubt and inadequacy among the other modern day struggles that I sometimes feel as an overwhelming weight that I cannot lift. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So here I sit during the final hours of 2008 avoiding the nagging expectation to set a few goals for 2009. All nagging thoughts put aside, I willingly set just two:

1) trust in God and search more frequently and earnestly in the scriptures
2) quit the refrigerator laziness and make that healthy snack

Popcorn Popping

on the family room floor!

Tonight we carried on our family popcorn tradition. It is a silly race to see who can finish stringing popcorn on their length of thread the fastest to hold the popcorn title for the year. This year we only had 1 bloody finger (LeRoy) from the frantic stabbing of needles into the delicate popcorn. We have carried on this silly tradition for 8 years now with the girls (Erika and I) holding the title every year. To balance things out a bit in the hope of less loser whining we split into 2 equal teams. With Erika frantically tying the finishing knot they won. Levi, Justin and I gracefully landed in 2nd place . . . by only a 3 second margin.

And then Erika started to toss popcorn into LeRoy's mouth.

That inspired Levi and Justin to stuff their faces in the popcorn bowl.

Which prompted a mess that only became bigger.

LeRoy kindly offered to vacuum for us which is a real Christmas surprise for me. I think I've only seen him vacuum maybe twice in 18 years. He did such a spectacular job that I'm wondering if he has been secretly vacuuming when I'm not around.

You may notice that Nathan and Hyrum aren't in any of the previous pictures. Due to the fierce nature of the competition we opted to hold the race after the little guys were in bed. These two have awful sleep habits right now so we often find Nathan snuggled up in Erika's bed because "Hiam won't stop talking". Since Nathan left the room Hyrum was left with his puppy to tell his stories too, which he did until he fell asleep.

Orchestra Concerts

The concerts are my reward for all the whining, eye rolling, sighs that I put up with to get 3 kids to practice their string instruments. I also get to see a brief glimpse of accomplishment and satisfaction as the kids perform, acknowledging that they know they are part of something good and worthwhile.

I was afraid that Derek's concert would be a bit hard on the ears since I had already attended the jr. high and high school concerts. Much to my surprise it was a wonderful concert. The instructor makes all the difference.

Levi and Erika started orchestra when the middle school was trying to find someone to replace the instructor who had retired. They went through 3 intructors in 4 years and it was not good for the students. There was even 1 instructor who bad mouthed the kids and told the audience how aweful they sounded when introducing them at their concert. The program is now in much better hands and growing quickly, not only by numbers but by talent. Each class at the middle school ranges from 92 to 107 students. What an awesome sight to see that many kids working together to play classical, jass, and fiddle music and have a fun time doing it and to see that positive influence carry on as they progress through high school.

Derek and Ryan practice at our house after school about 3 times a week. There is much less whining when a friend is involved!

Yoga Baby

Hyrum has perfected the army crawl and has moved on to Yoga.

Where's Kimber?

Here I am.

I found that the best way to get friends to call and check up on me is to post only once a week.

I'm doing great! We are caught up in a wonderful feeling of Christmas, so much so that when I woke up to a beautiful white layer of snow covering the frozen ground with a fluffy fog limiting our view of the world that awaited us I was even more cheerful. . . and a little worried about Levi driving his rear wheel drive beast of a car to school.

We have had a couple weeks of sickness spreading it's way to each member of the family but we are all finally over it (for today at least) and we are all productively busy with holiday programs and parties.

The last few nights have found us gathered as a family, snuggling in our blankets in front of the warm glow of the fire and tree as we share a few thoughts and stories. It is the perfect bedtime routine!

I have many thoughts that I have quickly typed when stealing a few minutes to myself but they are unedited, emotional, spiritually personal, full of raw descriptions of fears, joy, laughter, and tears. So for now I have left them in the draft files to be printed for my record and when I can pull enough time together (or an all nighter that doesn't require office work) I will share more with my extended friends and family.

Just know that for now I am submitting voluntarily, quietly and joyfully to my call as a mother, wife and neighbor and doing my best to live fully the life I have right now. For some reason I am touched by short term vision which is leaving me wanting to relish every moment with my kids. Suddenly I see that my time with them is so short and I want to store up as many fun, loving, testimony building memories as I can, both for them and for me.

I have not forgotten all of you . . my support system of family and friends. You are all wonderful and I appreciate you checking up on me! I still love the phone calls that allow me to do the everyday tasks of laundry, diapers and dishes while rejuvenating my spirit through chatter that only women can produce and I still need the refreshing laughter of a night with the Bunco girls. Right now that is sufficient and blogging has been temporarily bumped down the priority list.

Here's a list of the extra's that I've been trying to be on time for among all of the usual kids lessons, school, mutual, callings and work. Somewhere in all of this I still have sewing and crafting to do before Christmas gets here.

Mon 8th: Dinner and FHE with neighbors, take dessert
Tues 9th: Teach scouts, Erika teach dance at Burton Elementary
Wed 10th: Meet Heidi about family pictures, chiropractor
Thur 11th: LeRoy to Mackay for 2 days, Levi to SLC with orchestra, appointment in Idaho Falls
Fri 12th: Pick up Levi from SLC trip, Erika Christmas party with friends
Sat 13th: Erika dance festival, start 12 days of Christmas
Sun 14th: Tithing settlement, Missionaries over for dinner, Levi splits with Missionaries
Mon 15th: Neighborhood FHE at Millers
Tues 16th: recipe group at 12, teach scouts at 4, Mom coming, Levi & Erika orchestra concerts,
Wed 17th: Derek's orchestra concert at 7, Bunco
Thur 18th: Justin's Christmas program at school, Bookgroup
Fri 19th: Shopping with kids
Sat 20th: Our company Christmas dinner

It's Here!

My passport came in the mail today!

I have to say I was a little disappointed that they couldn't take that nasty 2x2 picture and photoshop it a little. I have labor and delivery pictures that are better than the one on my passport. My best features aren't really visible when the photographer (if they can be called that when they work at Walgreens) stands only 6 inches from my face. Oh well, on to better stuff . . .

During the last few weeks it has become part of my computer routine to check Travelocity.com in search of the perfectly priced ticket to Peru. I'm hoping that once the holidays are over prices will drop again and then . . . Ready or not Kells, here I come!

Oh, but first I have to get caught up on my immunizations. Uugh.