Jackson Trip

It was fun to get away. LeRoy did in fact leave his cell phone home which made this the first time in 5 years. Levi drove us there which I was a little hesitant about because of the pass, and yet I found myself more calm going over Jackson pass with Levi driving than I have ever felt with LeRoy driving. I won't say anything more about that because I could get in trouble :) Isn't there an ammendment or something that a wife can't testify against her husband?

Before we left LeRoy made breakfast for us, oh it was yummy! Blueberry pancakes, bacon, grape juice, eggs. I have missed his tradition of doing Saturday breakfasts. He used to do it every week until things started getting so busy that he has been working on Saturdays. I couldn't believe it that he wasn't going to even start the day with his cell phone. It is a rare moment that we sit down together for a meal without the ringing of the cell phone.

In Jackson we started at the square going to Ripley's Believe It or Not Museum which was awesome. We went about 4 years ago and it was cool then but having the kids just a little older was so fun. We spent about 2 hours there being grossed out, wow-ed, impressed, amazed and entertained. Nathan was so intrigued by this machine that would do a sketch of you, mostly because it was talking and drawing so he thought it was a real . . person? Really it just takes a digital photo of you and prints it like a sketch. Anyway, Nathan kept wandering off and we always found him at the machine. So I stuck in $2, watched him give his cutest smile for the camera and the total expression of joy on his face as his picture popped out of that machinewas so worth the $2. And Yes, that is what his shirt really said - It's one of my favorites :)

By the time we finished there it was about 3:00 so we went next door to Merry Piglets. Each time we have been to Jackson that is our family eatin' place. I think in the last couple of years I have realized that the food really isn't that spectacular, it's quite ordinary, but it's the experience along with it that holds the memories.

After eating we needed to walk off some of that food before going swimming so we wandered the square. I began to wonder why I had gone into the restroom at Merry Piglets and stood to nurse Hyrum. Mostly because I am not a public nurser but also because it didn't feel right to do in the restaraunt. After wandering the square for a bit I realized that me nursing would have exposed nothing compared to all the bare skin we saw - not to mention the flaunting of 'nursing parts' that seemed to be right at Derek's eye level, poor kid.

Then came the swimming. This rec center has been a great place for us but this time it was a little disappointing. They used to have a climbing wall that you could climb up and then fall back into the water . . it wasn't available. No diving, no playing in the large pool unless you were going to just do swimming laps (which left us in the 3' water only - not so fun for tall kids), no water volleyball just rolling the ball on top of the water, no blowing bubbles. Good grief, these 4 life guards were so annoying! After almost 2 hours of being there they came over to us and told Nathan that he had to spit his gum out. After 2 hours!! I realize they were doing their job but isn't it more about people playing in the water safely rather than bossing people around? They were constantly blowing the whistle at all of us in the pool (not just our family). Erika, Derek and Justin seemed to have fun, Nathan was thrilled, Hyrum was only in for about 15 minutes and Levi and LeRoy were just annoyed. I think next year we may just go to Idaho Falls, Pocatello or Lava.

Now on to the positives again . . .

While we wandered around the square Erika, Derek and Justin all found hoodies for only $9. According to Jackson prices this was a steal!

I was happy to find the "Horsey Songs" - yep you heard me family! This CD is one that a lady gave to Dad at work, mom passed it on to Kellie and her kids (which they listened to while crossing the country), our family has made 2 copies of it, John stole it from mom, mom got a copy from us and I gave a copy to Kara. I'm not sure if Kate and Josh have it but it wouldn't surprise me. Because none of us have ever seen the actual original CD, Kara and I tried to find it online and couldn't. Well, there it was in Jackson. Or rather I should clarify, the guy who did "Horse Tunes" had a bunch of other CD's available to buy. I listened to several of the demo songs and could tell it was the right guy. He has actually done 9 different CD's. So if any of you want an original of the CD that we have all named Horsey Songs here you go. Scroll down and it will show you all of the other CD's available.

http://www.amazon.com/Horse-Tunes-Kids-Brent-Holmes/dp/B000LR6EYS/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=music&qid=1220242621&sr=1-2

And finally, a positive thought about our kids. While LeRoy and the boys were all changing in the locker room another father who had been in the pool with his family approached LeRoy and told him the he had been watching our kids play in the pool and was very impressed by them. They really are great kids!

Hyrum's New Best Friend

Hyrum does not like to be left in a room alone. Being child #6 may have something to do with that. He often gives us a whimpering cry and sad eyes as if to ask "why did everyone leave me?"

Today I didn't get to my shower until 1:00 when Nathan was down for a nap. My problem was that Hyrum wasn't asleep and he doesn't like to be alone, or rather he likes to be able to see someone in the room with him. So I sat him in his carseat (he had to be buckled because he can scoot himself out of it) and I put him on my bathroom counter. Suddenly he had a new best friend. He smiled, he babbled, he was content.

Then the mirror fogged over and he started to fuss.

It's Not Fair!

I have said that so many times today that I'm sick of hearing myself.

Right before bunco last night we received a certified letter telling us that the contractor who still owes us over $10,000 is filing bankruptcy and that we will basically get nothing because the homes are being auctioned off. Even the liens that we have on the homes dissolve as soon as they are auctioned off. I tried to just put it out of my mind because bunco was at my house and yet, how do you ignore $10,000 missing?

For the last few months we have heard rumor that this was coming but we were holding onto the hope that the guy would have a sudden burst of integrity and still pay us. Not so. This morning we called 2 different law firms and found that the law is there to protect the Jerk who cheats everyone and files bankruptcy and we have no legal right to 'harrass' him. Actually, we could end up with charges against us if we try to talk to him directly. I've already paid out the employee pay and the materials so that is money out of our pocket (savings) not just the money for LeRoy's hours that isn't coming in.

Needless to say, I have cried, been mad, vented and cried with Mom, felt hate toward the guy and have been choking on this lump in my throat all day. This situation is really causing trouble for us and yet we were trying to do everything legal and right. It's Not Fair.

I realized that I needed to get away for a few hours before I started taking my frustration and anger out on the kids or LeRoy so I decided at 3:30 to go to the 4:30 session at the temple. Thank goodness we have one here and I have a built in babysitter. I admit I wasn't going hoping to get a spiritual uplift but rather I just needed a place that didn't cost money to go and I needed to calm down. It worked.

While waiting for the session to start I started to think of the many friends we have that are struggling in different ways: cancer, death of a husband, children who are way off course, those who had to file bankruptcy themselves because of major medical issues, the unfaithful husband, abuse, handicap children, lost jobs and more. I realized that I was actually a little thankful for what our trial is because I don't know how I would handle any of those other situations at all. I really admire my friends who are enduring their trials with grace and here I was sitting in the temple pouting about a material thing. Granted this material trial sure makes life tough but it doesn't even compare to the eternal tragedies that others are struggling with. I also realized that I was asking the wrong question, "Why", and I needed to start looked at "What can we gain/learn from this?".

Sitting in the temple I gained so much appreciation for the fact that LeRoy does such a great job taking care of us. I grumble about him working too much but when it really comes down to it, I know that we won't fail because he is such a great worker. We will be put out a little on the material side of life but we will still come out on top. I have been so blessed!

I gained new insight to the covenants that I made in the temple. It seemed that there were phrases that I know I have heard before but this time they stood out to me. What a way to get back in focus what is important and Wow! what great promises.

I put Ernie's name on the prayer roll. I stopped to put a friends name down and suddenly my enemies name came to mind. I just held the pencil there for a minute, fighting the inspirational thought to love my enemy, but in the end I put his name down. I don't see this as any plea to get our money out of him, we probably aren't going to see a cent of it, but more of a letting go of hate for me. He will someday have to pay (in alot more than money) for all the hurt he is causing the many families that he is cheating (we are only one of probably a dozen contractors that he hasn't paid). In a way I guess I feel a little sorry for him. My trial is material, his consequence is eternal.

I was thinking of Joseph who was put in a pit and then sold by his brothers and years later he saves their lives with his food storage. It won't be easy or an overnight thing to dig out of the hole that we have been put in by this man but we will do it. I don't think I'm ready to share my food storage with Ernie. I still have a ways to go. But we will do it. Mom reminded me today the quote we heard from Sister Marjorie Hinckley: "If it can be fixed with money, it isn't a problem". Easier said than done, but we will do it and we will do it together.

LeRoy and I talked after I got home from the temple and we have decided to still take our Labor Day family trip to Jackson. We won't be going tonight and staying in the hotel as planned and we won't be getting our old fashioned family picture taken as planned but we are still going swimming and out to eat at Merry Piglets. We will be frugal but we aren't going to sacrifice the family trip. And LeRoy is leaving his cell phone home. For those of you who know how attached he is to that thing, this is HUGE. We really need the break!

For those who remember last Labor Day and the burning wasp nest turned burned down shed experience. . . we aren't allowing LeRoy to hold any sort of flame at all! The kids aren't letting this anniversary go unnoticed.

Toe-riffic

As I was in the bathroom doing all that primping stuff that women do, Nathan and Hyrum were playing together on my bedroom floor. Here's a tidbit of conversation from bathroom to bedroom:

Nathan: mom, Hiam eatin' toes
Mom: cool, he can reach his toes?
Nathan: no, Hiam eatin' toes . . . dat tickles, Hiam (silly boy giggles and baby boy gurgle noises)

I was curious to see what all the giggles were about so I glanced into the bedroom and sure enough Hyrum was eatin' toes . . . Nathan's toes!! The kid won't take a pacifier but he will suck on his brothers big toe! Not what I had in mind for his first solid foods.

I wish I could say that Nathan had a bath this morning, or even last night. Not so. He ran around all day yesterday with socks on so I'm sure there was sock fuzz and sweat to flavor those adorable chubby toes.

Sweet Sunday

Sunday's are usually not my favorite day of the week but today has been a real treat. Not to mention that it is my 'free day' (I can eat whatever junk I want!). This is what Mother's Day should be like!

Here's a little taste of my Sweet Sunday:

* The hysterical laughter we shared as a family before church while we watched Levi prance around the house in my high heel shoes, announcing that it was time for prayer. Try not giggling through the prayer after seeing that!

* Watching Levi and Nathan playing thumb wars during sacrament meeting. Maybe not the most reverent activity for the occasion but so heart warming watching those 2 thumbs battle it out and the giggling that was (sort of) suppressed. I adore watching my teenagers play with my babies!

* Hyrum softly humming and chattering at me during church. I felt all wrapped up in a hug of pure love as he looked me in the eyes, grinned, and babbled his best 5 month old babble as if thanking me for his full tummy, a clean diaper, and all the cuddles he could possibly want.

*Hearing Erika sing in church with 26 other young women. Feeling their testimonies expressed through music was almost more than I could stand. I'm so grateful for the YW program.

*Hearing Levi bless the sacrament and watching Derek pass the sacrament. I wish they could understand the respect and admiration that I feel watching them participate in such a sacred thing and knowing that they are worthy to do so. Levi is so gentle with the cloth that covers the sacrament and offers such a sincere prayer and having Derek bring our family the sacrament today felt like a true ordinance taking place. I've never felt so in tune as I participated in renewing my covenants.

* Visiting with Silvia. Oh, what a wonderful friend! I admire and love her and her wonderful family. It was such a treat to talk with her today!

* Justin, Erika and I spent about an hour looking up places on Google Map. We saw actual pictures of Kara's, Kate's, and Joe's houses and Kellie's old house in Springville. We looked up streets that all of our other family members live on. We looked up Beijing, China and were shocked at the satellite view of the city - no green anywhere, just packed tight with buildings. It was fun to crouch around the 2 computers and learn together.

*Seeing all of my old scrapbook supplies put to good use as Erika and Derek made homemade cards. They are so creative!

*Catching a much needed nap snuggled up with Hyrum. To me it is a peaceful taste of heaven to bundle up and rest in the quiet, soft sigh of my baby nestled in my arms.

What a perfect day to start a new week!

One man's junk . . .

After 2 days of not going anywhere (which I was completely enjoying), Nathan was in need of a trip. He wanted to go to Grandma's house but we settled on a little shopping spree. He has been wanting a backpack ever since we stayed at Grandma's back in June and now that the kids each grab their backpacks to go to school he has been wandering around looking for a backpack (as if it would materialize from his wanting it to be there).

So we left for DI to find a backpack for Nathan. We came away with several treasures. It was a worthy $13 spent!

He found the perfect backpack!

Stroller walks have been interesting because they don't both fit in one stroller. This is a great solution! Now Derek and Justin don't need to fight over who get to push the stroller, they each get one!

With Hyrum taking over the high chair we needed a booster chair for Nathan to sit at the table with us. This one was perfect!

We found a scrabble game for Nathan. He loves it! We spent nearly an hour matching the letters and he was so proud when he filled filled in the whole card.

We also got a "Finding Nemo" book and a tractor that races wonderfully across our wood floor.

Emotional Honesty

I was looking for pictures for Kara and ran across this one again. It is a picture that Levi took when Hyrum was only a couple of days old.


At first I was going to delete it because it really doesn't show anything and then as I looked closer at it I realized that it represents very well how I felt during the first few months of Hyrum's life. There I am holding my baby and life just did not slow down. I wanted it to but there was the move, 4 kids still in school, a 2 year old who never slows down, and the office that couldn't wait for me to "recover". I was in a foggy place, trying to stand still and life was racing past me, not waiting for me.

I can now say however, that I am finally coming out of that foggy place. My only regret is that I have somehow mentally blocked out so much. I don't really remember moving other than mom being here to do most of it (THANK YOU!!) and I wish I could remember more happiness and less crying when I think of those first weeks/months with Hyrum. I'm finding that as I emerge from the fog that I am starting to remember happy moments with Hyrum. I was writing in his journal and really trying to think of the peaceful times and I found that they are there, the memories were just consumed with so much other stuff.

Last Thursday I had a very emotional day . . crying for no reason, or crying for any silly reason that came to mind which just seemed jiberish and non-sensical. It reminded me very much of the crying that had gone on shortly after Hyrum's birth and I was so grateful that this time it only lasted a day and was done. The last few weeks have been getting better and better, less emotional mayhem and more mental/emotional stability. This little experience seemed to be a bit of a cleansing moment which left me in a better place. Now my head seems even more clear and it is so nice to finally see and feel glimpses of me again.

That whole pregnancy and post-partem stuff just isn't any fun for me. Someday I want to understand the purpose of all this hormonal, emotional, mental chaos and why such a beautiful, life changing event (a new baby) can't just be soaked up with pure love, joy, and happiness instead of being tainted with the physical mess that seems to dominate the experience. It really takes a toll on me, our family and especially our marriage. All I can say is "Whew, we've made it again"!

5 Months Old

Already to big to enjoy a Bumpo

Old enough to love the high chair

A Kellie Memory

On the first day of school I made up 15 jars of apricot syrup. It smelled so yum to have it boiling in the house. The next morning we enjoyed it over french toast.

All of the blending of the fruit, measuring out the ingredients, smelling it boil, eating it and seeing those beautiful orange filled jars brings back awesome memories of being in Springville with Kellie and Shawn. Levi mentioned how eating apricot syrup reminds him of them as well.

I remember our first time making syrup together and having Erika climb to the most remote parts of their apricot tree to pluck as much fruit as she could. She had no fear of the tree, actually she loved it! We made a sticky mess of Kellie's kitchen as we washed, cut, blended, measured and even snitched in the beautiful fruit. What a fun time!

Even though that was probably 6-7 years ago and they have since sold that house I think apricot syrup will always remind us of the fun times in Springville - we love you guys!

Stake Conference Thoughts

I really liked Stake Conference with Kara. Maybe some of it had to do with the fact that I only had to get Hyrum and myself ready, not a whole family of 8.

Elder Ballard was one of the speakers and I did enjoy his comments on overcoming trials but I really liked Kara's Stake President's talk. He used a quote that I have in my quote book but hadn't read for a while. It is from President Benson: "When we put God first, all other things will either fall into place or drop out of our lives". I needed to be reminded of that. We are being tugged and pulled so many different directions - and so many good directions - that sometimes the best things are set aside.

Another point that I loved was when he used the scripture in 1 Kings 19:11-12. The point of the talk being that the Lord is not in the wind, earthquake or fire but in the still small voice. He then went on to talk about making sure we can hear the still small voice. He also mentioned attending the temple and quoted a wonderful quote by President Hinckley which had great promises in it. I wish I had the quote!

So, I am working harder at making sure that I have quiet time to hear the still small voice ("Be still, and know that I am God" comes to mind). "Making" quiet time may seem a little forced but I find that I do love being the first one up in the morning and I really do feel a connection with my Heavenly Father early in the mornings if I take the time to pause and recognize Him before heading into the mothering responsibilities of my day. I also would like to get to the temple again. I wait far to long in between and often find myself blaming that on LeRoy being too busy but I am capable of going myself. The last few times I have been there have been great experiences where I receive direct and immediate answers to the concerns in my life and I crave that experience again. Why am I so silly to put it off until I'm desperate for an answer or direction?