It's Not Fair!

I have said that so many times today that I'm sick of hearing myself.

Right before bunco last night we received a certified letter telling us that the contractor who still owes us over $10,000 is filing bankruptcy and that we will basically get nothing because the homes are being auctioned off. Even the liens that we have on the homes dissolve as soon as they are auctioned off. I tried to just put it out of my mind because bunco was at my house and yet, how do you ignore $10,000 missing?

For the last few months we have heard rumor that this was coming but we were holding onto the hope that the guy would have a sudden burst of integrity and still pay us. Not so. This morning we called 2 different law firms and found that the law is there to protect the Jerk who cheats everyone and files bankruptcy and we have no legal right to 'harrass' him. Actually, we could end up with charges against us if we try to talk to him directly. I've already paid out the employee pay and the materials so that is money out of our pocket (savings) not just the money for LeRoy's hours that isn't coming in.

Needless to say, I have cried, been mad, vented and cried with Mom, felt hate toward the guy and have been choking on this lump in my throat all day. This situation is really causing trouble for us and yet we were trying to do everything legal and right. It's Not Fair.

I realized that I needed to get away for a few hours before I started taking my frustration and anger out on the kids or LeRoy so I decided at 3:30 to go to the 4:30 session at the temple. Thank goodness we have one here and I have a built in babysitter. I admit I wasn't going hoping to get a spiritual uplift but rather I just needed a place that didn't cost money to go and I needed to calm down. It worked.

While waiting for the session to start I started to think of the many friends we have that are struggling in different ways: cancer, death of a husband, children who are way off course, those who had to file bankruptcy themselves because of major medical issues, the unfaithful husband, abuse, handicap children, lost jobs and more. I realized that I was actually a little thankful for what our trial is because I don't know how I would handle any of those other situations at all. I really admire my friends who are enduring their trials with grace and here I was sitting in the temple pouting about a material thing. Granted this material trial sure makes life tough but it doesn't even compare to the eternal tragedies that others are struggling with. I also realized that I was asking the wrong question, "Why", and I needed to start looked at "What can we gain/learn from this?".

Sitting in the temple I gained so much appreciation for the fact that LeRoy does such a great job taking care of us. I grumble about him working too much but when it really comes down to it, I know that we won't fail because he is such a great worker. We will be put out a little on the material side of life but we will still come out on top. I have been so blessed!

I gained new insight to the covenants that I made in the temple. It seemed that there were phrases that I know I have heard before but this time they stood out to me. What a way to get back in focus what is important and Wow! what great promises.

I put Ernie's name on the prayer roll. I stopped to put a friends name down and suddenly my enemies name came to mind. I just held the pencil there for a minute, fighting the inspirational thought to love my enemy, but in the end I put his name down. I don't see this as any plea to get our money out of him, we probably aren't going to see a cent of it, but more of a letting go of hate for me. He will someday have to pay (in alot more than money) for all the hurt he is causing the many families that he is cheating (we are only one of probably a dozen contractors that he hasn't paid). In a way I guess I feel a little sorry for him. My trial is material, his consequence is eternal.

I was thinking of Joseph who was put in a pit and then sold by his brothers and years later he saves their lives with his food storage. It won't be easy or an overnight thing to dig out of the hole that we have been put in by this man but we will do it. I don't think I'm ready to share my food storage with Ernie. I still have a ways to go. But we will do it. Mom reminded me today the quote we heard from Sister Marjorie Hinckley: "If it can be fixed with money, it isn't a problem". Easier said than done, but we will do it and we will do it together.

LeRoy and I talked after I got home from the temple and we have decided to still take our Labor Day family trip to Jackson. We won't be going tonight and staying in the hotel as planned and we won't be getting our old fashioned family picture taken as planned but we are still going swimming and out to eat at Merry Piglets. We will be frugal but we aren't going to sacrifice the family trip. And LeRoy is leaving his cell phone home. For those of you who know how attached he is to that thing, this is HUGE. We really need the break!

For those who remember last Labor Day and the burning wasp nest turned burned down shed experience. . . we aren't allowing LeRoy to hold any sort of flame at all! The kids aren't letting this anniversary go unnoticed.